Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore and splitting up, just like loads of people’s relationships disintegrate through misdeed, tedium and contempt. It’s not earth-shattering news, but thankfully, because Kutcher is thicker than pig’s swill, there’s been amusing foot-notes.
See, Kutch thought it would be fun to have sex with Sara Leal on his wedding anniversary and tried to show Demi how much she meant to him by buying her an eco-friendly car that ran on guilt.
So where can Demi Moore go now for solace? Step forward Madonna who has an exemplary record when it comes to marriage and relationships. Ahem.
Before we get going, let us look at some of Madonna’s relationship highlights over the years. She’s either married or humped: Sean Penn, John F. Kennedy, Jr., Guy Ritchie, Warren Beatty, Lenny Kravitz, Vanilla Ice, Dennis Rodman, Carlos Leon (who she had a kid with) and even David Blaine.
Warren Beatty aside, all these blokes have been younger than Madge, which is why she’s apparently offering her services to Demi. She knows what they can be like, aight?
Of course, there’s a slight skew here because, thanks to Madonna being one of the oldest humans on Earth, she has to go for people younger than her because they’re the only ones who can actually maintain an erection around her and, indeed, get up steps unaided.
So, thanks to Madge’s vast experience of younger men, she’s offering Demi ‘spiritual guidance’ on the matter. This probably means little more than tying some red string around your wrist and bleating on to a false god.
Metro quotes “a friend” saying:
“She is calling Demi almost every day and sends her messages telling her to be proud of her strength and to know that she fought to make her marriage work.”
“Madonna has had many younger boyfriends so she understands their mindset. She has told Demi that Ashton’s immaturity is evident and that she deserves someone who will fulfil her intellectually and emotionally.”
Fulfilling Demi Moore intellectually. That’s great news! That means all the house flies and plants are in with a shout of getting with Demi too!
Wonderful.
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