We've all been there – you're in a lingerie store looking for lacy bras and frilly knickers when suddenly you think "Gosh, a collection of badly-aged decade-old pop songs would go great with this nylon/polyester suspender belt I'm looking at."
It's a thought we have on an almost daily basis. And that could be why the Spice Girls have decided to tap into it ahead of their gigantic reunion tour in December. For two months following its release, the new Spice Girls Greatest Hits CD will be sold exclusively in America at branches of Victoria's Secret underwear emporium. Clearly the Victoria's Secret management haven't thought this through, because presumably the only music heard in Victoria's Secret stores will be Spice Girls songs. We give them 20 before they realise that the oft-repeated sound of a gruff northern woman bellowing "Spice oop yer laaaf!" like a Last Of The Summer Wine cast-member in the final stages of dementia isn't the most conducive noise to get people buying sexy knickers.
As we're becoming increasingly fond of telling you, the music industry is in crisis mode at the moment. Bands are cheapening the value of music all over the place by cover-mounting their albums on newspapers or letting fans pay whatever they want. At the moment the answer seems to be to sign acts up to enormous long-term deals that cover tours, merchandise and films as well as albums, but other acts are still willing to experiment. Acts like Paul McCartney, who decided to sell his new album exclusively through Starbucks, in the knowledge that coffee shops are a great place for impulse buys, especially when the product is being constantly played while customers relax with their Venti Hazelnut Caramel Macchiatos.
And now the Spice Girls have decided to get in on the act too. After more false starts than we care to list at this point, the Spice Girls have finally got it together enough to properly reform at the end of the year. And it seems no gimmick is too small for the Spice Girls to latch onto and suck dry, whether they're letting fans decide where Spice Girls concerts should be held or signing £5 million contracts to advertise supermarkets. But that's not all, because now the Spice Girls have signed a deal with Victoria's Secret to exclusively sell their album in America two months before anyone else. Reuters reports:
A hits package by the reunited Spice Girls will be sold exclusively in the United States through Victoria's Secret for the first two months of its release, beginning November 3. Under a deal announced on Tuesday, Emma Bunton, Geri Halliwell, Melanie Brown, Melanie Chisholm and Victoria Beckham will also perform at the lingerie chain's "Victoria's Secret Fashion Show," which will be broadcast on CBS on December 4 — two days after the group begins its world tour in Vancouver.
It's a strange decision and no mistake – not only will impulse buys of the Spice Girls Greatest Hits CD be limited to vaguely wealthy women who enjoy wearing fancy lingerie, but also the whole thing conjures up mental images of Geri Halliwell lurching around in just a pair of bra and knickers babbling about girl power like an ideologically-confused prostitute, and that just won't do – especially as it comes hours after we finally managed to block out the terrifying thought of Geri Halliwell performing a solo medley during the Spice Girls shows.
Really, it's as if the Spice Girls hate teenage boys. Even man knows the cripplingly awkward experience of shopping for bras for the first-ever time – the lights, the music, the sensation that everyone is staring at you and thinking "that bloody little pervert" when rationally that's not happening at all – so imagine how uncomfortable it'd be for boys to walk into Victoria's Secret and march straight up to the Spice Girls CD counter, because then the dirty looks they'd get from other customers wouldn't be imaginary at all.
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Gutless Wonder says
There is just no accounting for the sub culture of bad taste in music.BUT watch this crap like Kylie’s about to be released garbage X and 2 Hearts go to top of commercial corporate charts.
I blame Blair, who outlawed excellence, for “the little people” of mediocrity to become famous ..hence their comebacks..Spice Girls and Kylie in 1998..right after Blair came in….
Yawn..go in November to see the outstanding The National at Shepard’s Bush..and then come chat about good music.!!!! Hardly anyone in this blessed country has even heard of them….but they have a huge following… just as well they are not “famous chart topper” …rue the day