You're not allowed to take anything onto aeroplanes these days, are you? Not hair gel, not make-up, not contact lens solution and – as Snoop Dogg is finding out – not collapsible 21-inch police batons. It's political correctness gone mad.
After it spent ages deliberating whether or not a collapsible 21-inch police baton constituted a lethal weapon, the Orange County police force has now decided that, yes, a collapsible 21-inch police baton probably was quite a dangerous thing for Snoop Dogg to try and take onto a plane and have issued an arrest warrant for Snoop Dogg. If he's found guilty Snoop Dogg faces up to three years in jail, meaning that he'd miss out on approximately six hundred million billion jillion lucrative spots guest-rapping on other people's records, if he was to keep up his current rate.
Who'd want to be Snoop Dogg at the moment? Not many people, that's for certain – not because of any legal troubles but because he performed at the MTV Europe awards last night, so he's probably still in Copenhagen at the moment. Denmark? Eurgh.
Oh, OK – so also for Snoop Dogg's legal troubles as well a bit. Because, let's face it. Snoop Dogg seems to going all out to become even more of a notorious airport marauder than David Hasselhoff, which is quite a big deal since Hasselhoff's airport exploits involve basically him weeing down himself. But Snoop Dogg can beat that; if Snoop Dogg throwing a fit in Heathrow with his entourage because he wasn't allowed in the first class lounge, looting the duty free, smashing expensive bottles of alcohol and injuring so many policemen that he's no longer allowed on British Airways or anywhere in Britain at all ever doesn't do it for you, then maybe Snoop Dogg's other recent airport run-ins will.
Most recently Snoop Dogg was arrested outside a California airport last week for apparently having a gun and a bunch of drugs on his possession for which he was bailed for $35,000 and faces court next month. And then there was the time that Snoop Dogg tried to take a police baton on a plane in Orange County. When that happened, the baton was confiscated even though Snoop Dogg claimed it was just a prop for a video shoot. A 21-inch collapsible prop for a video shoot. At the time, the Orange County district office wasn't sure whether it should charge Snoop Dogg or not, but now it's all set to roll, as BBC News reports:
An arrest warrant has been issued for the hip-hop star over the latest charges, who was in Copenhagen on Thursday night to perform at the MTV Europe Music awards. "He either turns himself in or he gets picked up by law enforcement," said a spokeswoman for the Orange County District Attorney's Office. Prosecutors had contacted the musician's representatives and asked that he surrender, she added. "These charges are bogus. The District Attorney knows that," said a lawyer for the rapper. "If this goes to trial, we will win."
Surely though, nobody can get into so much trouble at different airports – and only airports – in such a short space of time without some kind of sinister overview going on. We can't shake the feeling that we'll be seeing some kind of Around The World's High Security Airport Police Stations In 80 Motherfucking Days With Snoop Dogg stocking-filler line hitting the stores soon.