Sometimes we have to question basic human logic; we've never understood why there's so much hatred in the world, or why there aren't giant Kit-Kats made of four Chunky Kit-Kats stuck together, or why Sandra Bullock has got so many stalkers.
Presumably there are just more obsessively fanatical followers of desperately generic romantic comedies and clunking issue-based dramas that we assumed, because those stalkers just can't keep away from Sandra Bullock or her husband Jesse James. For instance, Sandra Bullock has just secured a restraining order on a stalker-type who apparently tried to repeatedly mow down Jesse James in her car last month. Now we know Premonition was lousy, but surely not even Sandra Bullock deserves treatment like that.
We don't especially want anyone to stalk us, but given the choice we'd probably prefer to have a funny stalker instead of a scary stalker. You know the sort. Funny like Colin Farrell's stalker Dessarae Bradford, the phone sex operative who wrote a book called Colin Farrell: A Dark And Twisted Puppy and recorded the all-time classic song I Fucked Alec Baldwin In His Ass. Or even funny like John Cusack's stalker Emily Leatherman, who liked to put love letters in bags with rocks and screwdrivers and then throw them at him.
But no scary stalkers, you hear? We don't want anyone planning to kill us like Hilary Duff's stalker or trying to kill people we're married to, like Sandra Bullock's newest stalker apparently did last month. According to reports, Sandra Bullock has just got a restraining order protecting her, her husband Jesse James and his three children against Marcia Valentine – a woman who apparently tried to run over Jesse James "three or four times" during an encounter on April 22 in Orange County. E! Online reports the details of the restraining order:
Bullock, husband Jesse James and James' three sons, ages 3, 10 and 12, were all listed on the order, which was approved on Tuesday by Orange County Superior Court Judge John Watson. The order prevents Valentine from coming within 500 yards of the family, their homes, cars, schools or places of work, and prohibits her from making direct or indirect contact with any of the brood. Valentine is also barred from owning firearms.
No charges have been filed against Marcia Valentine yet, pending a hearing in three weeks' time. But this isn't the first time that Sandra Bullock has been bothered by a stalker – last year Bullock got a restraining order against a man who sent her gifts, even though he happened to be voluntarily locked away in a mental institution at the time.
We can't see it ourselves. Who in their right mind would want to spend their precious lives stalking Sandra Bullock? Who can actually say that they enjoyed Divine Secrets Of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood so much that they thought "I know, I'll follow this Sandra Bullock woman about and try to murder her husband"? Were there subliminal messages in Hope Floats urging mentally unstable viewers to go round her house and throw a bunch of crap over her fence?
Still, Sandra Bullock is missing a trick here – if she had any sense she'd quickly put out a statement saying that she only made Miss Congeniality 2: Armed And Fabulous as a way of acquiescing with an aggressive stalker's demands. That way she earns herself some pity and we can all lose the horrifying feeling in the pits of our stomachs that she actually made that film out of her own free will.
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Philippa says
Maybe you’re losing sight of the fact that Sandra B gives the rest of us ordinary folk hope that we too could make it? Besides, give me a pretty and interesting woman rather than a Hollywood bimbo anyday. She could still be around in 25 years, but how many of the younger and more glamorous ones will be. You have to give it to her for perseverance, don’t you? Perhaps nopw we will see how well she can act.
amanda says
Are you an idiot, Philippa? most Bullock fans are… she never had an ordinary life but she’s let everyone believe she’s the girl next door type. (poor me…my mother always made me sit at the opera…) damn that’s tough!
she grew up around opera and the elite. she’s paid her publicist well and used very, very bad acting to sell herself as the girl next door.
I suppose you believe all her marital advice as well? she is such a messed up con. how don’t care how good “Blind Side” may be…i’ve wasted to much money on her bad movies to support her anymore. too many real actresses out there like Kate Winslett and Blanchett to support.
Bullock and Jolie are hollywood’s biggest phoneys. Always careful who gets what picture and interview. complete media control freaks.