Reporter Bust Generally Confirms Angelina Jolie’s Pregnancy

Angelina Jolie Pregnant Reporter Arrested house Brad Pitt TwinsForget bloating stomachs and tender boobies – the only way we'll ever know if Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins or not is if reporters start getting arrested near her house.

What's that? A reporter has been arrested near Angelina Jolie's house? Then the prophesies are true – Angelina Jolie is going to be a mother again!

Either that or she and Brad Pitt just enjoy trying to lock up anyone who tries to get too close to them for free. But, screw it, let's just go with the pregnancy thing.

It's been a few days since we first reported that Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins, but there's been nothing like an official confirmation from either Angelina or Brad Pitt about it yet. This could be, reports suggest, because Angelina Jolie is planning to roll out the old 'address the state of my gut to the highest bidder' ruse that she's so fond of. But Angelina Jolie had better hurry up, because the tell-tale signs are already there.

For example, did you see what Angelina Jolie wore to the Screen Actors Guild awards at the weekend? It looked like she'd travelled back in time 35 years, ripped the first pair of manky curtains she could find off their rails and fashioned it around her like some sort of bad-patterned, poo-coloured full-body sarong. But maybe that was just a strange wardrobe choice and nothing more – is says nothing about how pregnant Angelina Jolie really is.

Then there was the fact that Angelina Jolie only sipped water during the awards, when we all know that the proper awards show etiquette involves getting shitfaced and screaming insults at pretentious directors. But, once again, that's hardly an official confirmation.

No – what we really need is something concrete. Something like a reporter getting arrested for getting too close to Angelina's house. Only then can we know that Angelina Jolie is truly pregnant with twins.

Wait a minute? What's this that The Press Association is reporting? It can't be… it is

A 25-year-old man has been arrested at the Los Angeles home of Brad Pitt. A housekeeper called police after she saw a silver car blocking the actor's driveway. She told police the man, who described himself as a freelance reporter, got out of the car and asked "Which one is Brad Pitt's house?" Neither Pitt nor Angelina Jolie was home at the time. The man, identified as Eric Ray Mitchell, was taken into custody on a "private person's arrest" and it will be up to the housekeeper to decide whether or not to press charges, according to police.

Then it's true! We all know how paranoid Angelina Jolie gets when she's with child – whether she's getting photographers thrown in jail for getting too near her in Africa, or getting them arrested for hiding in illegal bushes near her childrens' school or calling the secret service because someone's pinched her brother's camera.

And now this. It definitely means that Angelina Jolie is absolutely 100% pregnant. Completely pregnant. With twins. Because, to reiterate, Angelina Jolie is only mean to members of the press when she's got a bun in the oven.

Or when she's painted her face black and pretending to be pregnant and the press are just begging to be choked by a burly security guard. So we'll need to know exactly how racially offensive Angelina Jolie's make-up was at the time of the arrest before we leap to any conclusions.

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'Reporter' arrested at Pitt's home – The Press Association