That's the claim anyway – magazines are reporting that Angelina Jolie has just discovered that she's pregnant with two of Brad Pitt's twins, a rumour apparently validated by Angelia's refusal to get drunk at a recent awards show.
And if it's true then Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will have to get their skates on – they're going to have to find a really obscure third-world country to have the twins in, and the clock's already ticking.
Angelina Jolie may be disappointed not to be nominated for an Oscar for that Daniel Pearl movie she was in, I'll Easily Win An Oscar For This, Just You Watch or whatever it was called, but that disappointment will be short-lived because, really, what's a small golden man compared to two box-fresh screaming babies blasting out of your genitals one after the other?
Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins – or at least that's the claim. Star reports:
Angelina Jolie is pregnant again –and she is expecting lover Brad Pitt's twins, Star has confirmed. Angie only discovered that she is eating for three over the past week, a source very close to the Lara Croft star reveals… Star has learned that Angelina hastily cancelled a long-scheduled trip to Europe when she found out about her pregnancy. "Brad and Angelina are absolutely ecstatic," a second source says. "But I still think there will be more adoptions to come."
While Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have every right to be excited about their possible impending double-parenthood, it'll be interesting to see how they deal with the news. Will Angelina follow the Shiloh Nouvel blueprint – that is to say go to a foreign country where you're allowed to imprison photographers and then sell the baby pictures for a billion trillion dollars – or will she go for something a little bit more conventional this time?
But if this report is true, Angelina Jolie will have change a lot of her long-held plans. It's her year-off up the wazoo, for starters, but there are graver consequences.
You see, it wasn't so long ago that Angelina Jolie wanted to adopt another Ethiopian baby, putting her baby-tally at two African kids, two kids from Southeast Asia and one baby made from bits of Brad Pitt's sperm. Obviously if Angelina Jolie was pregnant with just one kid then everything would be peachy – there'd be a fair balance between the races.
But she's not. Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins, and that means that there are going to be more biological babies than kids adopted from a particular geographical region soon. Logistically, that has to be a pain in the arse. It means that after Angelina Jolie has had her twins, she'll have to go back to Africa and Southeast Asia and buy up another batch of kids just to keep a level playing field. If things keep going this way then there won't be any children left in the whole world who haven't been adopted by Angelina Jolie.
Worse still, two more babies are really going to put a strain on Angelina Jolie's Kooky Made-Up Baby-Name Trust. She's already got a Maddox, a Zahara, a Shiloh Nouvel and a Pax Thien – surely there can't be many other preposterous bully-baiting names left in the world, can there?
That's why, in the spirit of fairness, we're giving you the chance to name Angelina Jolie's twins. What'll it be? Sebaztiad Munkfish? Yurgle O'Fifi? Magowatron The Sodomite-Crusher? Leave your answers in the comment box below. We're sure Angelina Jolie will get to them eventually.