Angelina Jolie Pregnant With Twins! Two Of Them!

Angelina Jolie Pregnant Twins Brad Pitt BabiesNot content with adopting enough kids to start a lucrative sweatshop business, Angelina Jolie has got herself knocked up with twins.

That's the claim anyway – magazines are reporting that Angelina Jolie has just discovered that she's pregnant with two of Brad Pitt's twins, a rumour apparently validated by Angelia's refusal to get drunk at a recent awards show.

And if it's true then Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will have to get their skates on – they're going to have to find a really obscure third-world country to have the twins in, and the clock's already ticking.

Angelina Jolie may be disappointed not to be nominated for an Oscar for that Daniel Pearl movie she was in, I'll Easily Win An Oscar For This, Just You Watch or whatever it was called, but that disappointment will be short-lived because, really, what's a small golden man compared to two box-fresh screaming babies blasting out of your genitals one after the other?

Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins – or at least that's the claim. Star reports:

Angelina Jolie is pregnant again –and she is expecting lover Brad Pitt's twins, Star has confirmed. Angie only discovered that she is eating for three over the past week, a source very close to the Lara Croft star reveals… Star has learned that Angelina hastily cancelled a long-scheduled trip to Europe when she found out about her pregnancy. "Brad and Angelina are absolutely ecstatic," a second source says. "But I still think there will be more adoptions to come."

While Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have every right to be excited about their possible impending double-parenthood, it'll be interesting to see how they deal with the news. Will Angelina follow the Shiloh Nouvel blueprint – that is to say go to a foreign country where you're allowed to imprison photographers and then sell the baby pictures for a billion trillion dollars – or will she go for something a little bit more conventional this time? 

But if this report is true, Angelina Jolie will have change a lot of her long-held plans. It's her year-off up the wazoo, for starters, but there are graver consequences.

You see, it wasn't so long ago that Angelina Jolie wanted to adopt another Ethiopian baby, putting her baby-tally at two African kids, two kids from Southeast Asia and one baby made from bits of Brad Pitt's sperm. Obviously if Angelina Jolie was pregnant with just one kid then everything would be peachy – there'd be a fair balance between the races.

But she's not. Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins, and that means that there are going to be more biological babies than kids adopted from a particular geographical region soon. Logistically, that has to be a pain in the arse. It means that after Angelina Jolie has had her twins, she'll have to go back to Africa and Southeast Asia and buy up another batch of kids just to keep a level playing field. If things keep going this way then there won't be any children left in the whole world who haven't been adopted by Angelina Jolie.

Worse still, two more babies are really going to put a strain on Angelina Jolie's Kooky Made-Up Baby-Name Trust. She's already got a Maddox, a Zahara, a Shiloh Nouvel and a Pax Thien – surely there can't be many other preposterous bully-baiting names left in the world, can there?

That's why, in the spirit of fairness, we're giving you the chance to name Angelina Jolie's twins. What'll it be? Sebaztiad Munkfish? Yurgle O'Fifi? Magowatron The Sodomite-Crusher? Leave your answers in the comment box below. We're sure Angelina Jolie will get to them eventually.

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  1. says

    i like how they say Angelina’s expecting twins…and then they go to say from her long time lover Brad Pitt like she’s gonna have twins with someone else. idk i’m happy for the couple and i wish them the best of luck.

  2. sade says

    i wish her save delivery of her twins. You hater out there, stop hating, after all jennifer had brad pitt for five years, she did nothing with him.

  3. Shirley says

    You go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I think you are great and love the fact that you and Brad are together. To heck with Jen

  4. Lia says

    Im so happy 4 them! The kids will be gorg.I hope they have a boy and a girl.I hav the perfect names 4 them Autumn and Alfie!!! Awww. I mean shes obviously embracing bein fertile and anyway av you seen brad who could resist?? Not me id av 3 of his kids n e day omg hes so fit how gorg would any kids be!! Im so happy 4 them O n i think Shiloh should av kids with Junior Andre

  5. tere says

    i wish angie would quit making babies or adopting them and just go eat a hamburger — gawd shes too thin, even with the baby bulge. lets all chip in and send the jolie pitts a pack of stick on name tags – they will need em if their family keeps growing.

  6. Milena says

    I am from Finland, I accidentally read these “stories” about Mrs.Angelina Jolie and I AM SHOCKED how much hate is inside you, people!!!
    In Europe we look up to you, Americans, admiring VERY SELDOM a Holywood COUPLE who is just LIVING not only to shine as a star, but also to bring good in this world, to stand as an example for younger people, to help children in need while they are so rich, TO SHARE THEIR LIVES WITH EVERYONE….And WHAT DO YOU DO?YOU GOSSIP AND THROW DIRT ON THEM, you, Americans, who should be proud to have such an AMAZING COUPLE like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie…
    I pity you, if you cannot be happy for them, envying their way of living, their PERFECTION, their BRILLIANCE…You are BAD PEOPLE, making a living from breaking others’ lives…
    Anyway, we Europeans, we love Angelina and Brad and their big wonderful family, they are OSCAR WINNERS in movies and in life, and we wish them strength, health and power to go on, inspite your very bad thoughts…Think twice , people, before you write!
    With respect, from Finland,

  7. says

    I think you are right Milena. But not all Americans share the same thoughts as a mindless few. I admire these two people for all of their humanitarianism and efforts to help all people, worldwide. I believe people could do more to help rather than hinder the efforts of a couple who only wish to make this world a better place for the less fortunate children of the planet.

    A Proud American who admires Brad and Angelina!

  8. Ally says

    i love these guys!!! it is good that they are adopting because that means more children will come out of poverty!!!

  9. Sarah says

    omg she is so lucky. so is brad. i cant believe they are having more kids. lucky them.
    wen it comes to naming them i wouldnt mind what she called them. maybe something proper like: claira and chloe, dylan and noah.
    anywho nice to post what i think i wish the happy couple well and all of u who read my comment with positve thoughts.
    bubi for now
    sarah xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx..xx

  10. sarah says

    i wish i didn’t have the same name as people who use x in a weird fashion.  i wonder if she copied and pasted that.

  11. says

    I think its great shes having twins and not adopting again. I dont agree with it. I dont think children should be taken from there homes, countries. Couldnt she just donate money so the children could stay with there familys, happy?

  12. naura says

    omg.. ure soo lame ter.. she’z lyk sooo not skinny.. mm excse me she’s pregnant derrrr…
    aniwaiz is soo kool they’re makin babies lol
    oh yeah and congrats to them…
    :) xx naura xD

  13. GARFIELD says

    I hate Angelina Jolie!! She is stupid!!! Anyways, is still wish is is safe while carrying those twins.