Taking an interest in Pete Doherty these days is like being in some nightmarish version of Groundhog Day where Bill Murray has been replaced by a pointless lollipop-headed junkie who mumbles a lot and doesn't clean under his fingernails.
To prove our point for us, Pete Doherty went to court yesterday. Again. And while he was there, Pete pleaded guilty to possession of crack cocaine, heroin, marijuana and ketamine, along with two driving offences. Again. And in the end the judge decided not to send Pete Doherty to jail. Again. So instead of jail, Pete Doherty has been ordered into rehab by August 7 – which is probably the best thing for him, because Pete kicked all drugs forever the last billion times he was sent to rehab, didn't he.
Pete Doherty must be thanking his lucky stars that he isn't Paris Hilton today – all she did was drive on a suspended license and she was banged up for three weeks, but we're beginning to suspect that Pete Doherty could go and stab the Queen in the eye with a javelin and he'd just be let off with a slap on the wrist.
We've lost count of all the times that Pete Doherty's been arrested over the last couple of years, but a few of our favourites include the time that Pete Doherty was arrested with drugs on him, or the time that Pete Doherty was arrested with drugs on him or the time that Pete Doherty kung-fued a woman's hand on the way out of court where his drug addiction was being checked up on. And, having avoided jail for all of these things so far, it came as no surprise that Pete Doherty avoided jail yet again yesterday after pleading guilty to constantly walking around with a big sack of drugs, like Father Christmas would if he ever started releasing underwhelming records. Or something.
But this time Pete Doherty was only spared jail on the condition that he enters into a rehab program within the next month, as The Daily Dish reports:
Judge Davinder Lachhar told Doherty — who is currently dating supermodel Kate Moss — he would only avoid jail on the condition he enter rehab before August 7, when he is due to be sentenced. Judge Lachhar said, "If you go to this place to have detox and take advantage of it then we will see what sentence is appropriate when you next come. But if you do not I can tell you now that you will go into custody." She hinted that she decided to give him another chance, after discovering he had been offered the chance to undergo rehab in Harrogate, northern England, later this month.
Now, August 7 is a long time away, which gives Pete Doherty a prime opportunity to get arrested for all the drugs in his pockets another trillion times before then. But, hey, who's to say that there won't be a positive outcome to Pete Doherty going to rehab. Either Pete Doherty will clean up his act, buy a trout farm and leave us all alone or he'll call himself the devil and attempt suicide like Britney Spears. And, to be honest, we'd probably be OK with either of those outcomes.
But for the meantime we've got this Groundhog Day scenario to worry about, because not only does Pete Doherty keep getting arrested only to be spared jail, but it's been reported that Kate Moss has also dumped him. Just like Kate Moss dumped him last time. And the time before that. It's a concern for us, because if Pete Doherty really is doomed to repeat himself over and over again then it's inevitable that he'll release more music before long. And the world needs that like it needs to be fucked in the eye by a mountain lion.
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major-Giggles says
He got away with it, how come this ugly tosser gets away with it all the time? Thanks to the crap legal system we have here he is free to roam.
Danielle says
Hahaha this is the best story on Doherty ever. So true. I’m so tired of reading about this twat or having to see his talantless picture in the papers. Surely theres more interesting things we could focus on? Like a mouldy block of cheese?
Die soon Docherty says
How much has this fucking wanker cost the state so far…hopefully he’ll OD before he hits rehab and do the world a favour.
jenn says
jesus christ you need to get your facts straight because pete actually dumped her this time because he said she was like a stalker
so maybe he is changing some things in his life
flierpa says
lol @ his picture. he’s reaching nirvana with one eye.
Wadey says
Look the prisons are full so we can’t go banging up people just because they can’t sing. One day when all this is behind him Pete will be sat with his mates moaning about weeds in his lawn.
Irina says
It was the other way around Pete left that skinny old model for good!
Congrats Pete, maybe know you can stay out of drugs!!!
Die soon Docherty says
The little coke pushers on his way to hell, hopefully painfully and to a paupers fucking funeral..would
make my day if they prounounce the piece of fucking talentless scum dead this morning. Him kick drugs ?
Hells lit up and waiting for the fucking prick.