It's a solid gold fact that nobody understands how hard it is being Pete Doherty. All that going out with Kate Moss and playing knackered old guitars like a dirty busker is harder than it looks, you know.
However, even filthy-fingernailed, blood-squirting, supermodel-kissing morons need some good news in their lives, and now is Pete Doherty's turn to get some. Kind of. A judge has decided not to send Pete Doherty to prison for pleading guilty to all kinds of drug charges last month. But the judge said that Pete could still go to prison in December if he doesn't buck his ideas up and write some decent songs for once in his miserable life. OK, the songs bit we made up – but it really would have been the perfect opportunity to tell him.
Pete Doherty loves the smell of controversy. Mainly this is because it covers up the stink of his BO and whatever crud he keeps under his fingernails, but that's not the point. The point is that Pete Doherty's exploits are as varied as they are cripplingly unfunny. In these last few months alone, Pete Doherty has squirted blood at a cameraman, almost got married to Kate Moss a few times and was outed as an elaborate hoax by members of the KLF.
On a more serious note, Pete Doherty was also arrested a lot for apparently having drugs on him all the time. One of these times was in April, almost immediately after being sentenced with a community order after being in court for other drug offences. Last month Pete Doherty pleaded guilty for the April charges, and was due to be sentences again.
Given the amount of time that Pete Doherty has escaped jail for drug offences, people were starting to fear the worst for today. No, not that Pete Doherty would invent a machine forcing the population of the planet to only ever listen to his vaguely wailed songs for the rest of their natural life – although that pretty much is 'the worst' – but that Pete Doherty would be hit with a lengthy spell in jail.
However, that isn't to be. Judge Jane McIvor has decided to defer Pete Doherty's sentencing until December, so that Pete can carry on with his rehab. And she also figured that keeping him out of prison would stop him releasing any more rubbish prison diaries and peppering his songs with tired old 1950s jail slang. Oh, we're lying again. The BBC reports:
Jane McIvor told the singer that if he remains drug-free he will be able to avoid a custodial sentence. She also noted that he had tested negative for heroin in two tests last month and also passed a check for cocaine. "I obviously want my life back really," Doherty said outside the court. In all, he has pleaded guilty to five charges of possessing heroin, cocaine – some of which was crack cocaine – and cannabis.
At this rate, it looks like Pete Doherty will be entirely drug-free by Christmas, which means all he'll have to do then is make a massively hypocritical environmental album, open a trout farm and then disappear forever and he'll have ticked all the boxes in the rockstar checklist. Then perhaps he'll leave us alone.
Read more:
Doherty's drug sentencing deferred – BBC
[story by Stuart Heritage]