Read Pete Doherty’s Prison Diary
Then buzz it up
February 13th, 2006 at 14:00 by C J Davies
Anyone who read The Guardian this weekend would have been in for a special treat.
The paper decided to give us a unique insight into the ‘mind’ of frazzled pop imbecile Pete Doherty. During his 13 days on remand in Pentonville prison, you see, Doherty had elected to treat the world to his prison diary.
The trouble is - to anyone unfamiliar with Doherty’s (ahem) style - the diary entries may have seemed like the deluded, barely-intelligible ramblings of a self-obsessed wannabe-cockney shithead operating with all the mental faculty of a lemon.
So - in a wonderful display of public service - hecklerspray has run a few of the extracts through our marvellous ‘Common Sense Translation’ machine.
And just look at the results …
1. Original Pete Doherty (CDs) Prison Diary excerpt:
‘The story starts here with a slap in the mush from some unsympathetic magistrate. I’m banged up in Pentonville with more than a tailor’s dozen charges on me tail. God knows why: the band should be smashing up the Toon, Glasgae and Shepherd’s Bush this weekend and instead I’m birded off on remand after a slow clucking duck walk (sitting too) through the bowels of Bethnal Green nick, Thames magistrates and now da ‘ville. Innit bleeding marvellous?’
hecklerspray translation:
Hello there! Old Petey-boy Doherty here! Did you ever get the sneaking feeling that I’m an essentially talentless chancer who pissed away what mediocre musical ability I do have in a cliche-ridden miasma of drug-addled stupidity? Heroin’s a particular fave of mine! Not through the usual means of addiction, though - you know, poor deprived people turning to drugs as some sort of necessary yet hellish escape mechanism - but more to do with the fact that I thought sticking a needle in my arm would look reeeealllyyy cool in a dreadfully ‘rock and roll’ sort of way!
Lawks-a-lawdy!
2. Original Pete Doherty Prison Diary excerpt:
‘For my own sake - because it feels like they have the power to cut off my head - I must become a hero, organise my life and obtain from it what they deny me. If I live, in order to continue to live with myself, I must have more talent than the most exquisite poet. These people can only put up with tamed heroes - they don’t know about heroism.’
hecklerspray translation:
‘You know what I think I might do when I get out? I’m going to carry on releasing haphazard, half-arsed drivel that sounds like the third-runner-up in a sixth-form Gothic poetry contest accompanied by the sort of ‘music’ that could be bettered by a guitar-clutching chimp riding a bike down a cobbled street!
Oh - and I’d better keep up this addiction malarkey too (despite my constant promises to those who care about me; a rapidly dwindling bunch, I might add). Let’s face it - if I’m not a junkie, how else am I going to convince legions of idiotic public school kids that I’m some sort of ‘tortured poet’ and that my inane brand of drivel can somehow rescue them from their destiny as second executive from the left in Daddy’s accounting company in roughly ten years time?
Cor Blimey, Guv’nor!
3. Original Pete Doherty Prison Diary excerpt:
‘I see paint-cracked walls stained with shite
long long lock-up days
Cold lonely nights
And I think to myself … what a wonderful world
I see men touching fists
Saying ‘watcha bruv’
screams from below
Shit parcels from above
And I think to myself …
I see my true love
On a Rimmel advert’
hecklerspray translation:
I am a cunt.
Read More:
Pete Doherty’s Prison Diary - Guardian
[story by C J Davies]
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February 13th, 2006 at 9:24 pm
Hmmm, I do wonder if you have ever even listened to babyshambles or the libertines. You seem to not like pete but just so you know ALL YOU ARE IS SOME LAME DICKHEAD WHO RIGHTS FOR SOME SHITTY WEBSITE THAT KNOW ONE WOULD EVER EVEN KNOW IF IT WAS NOT FOR GOOGLE! SCREW YOUR COMMON SENSE! if you had any you would realise that pete is a marvellous musician. You are just some winy little try hard jurno who wouldnt know shit from chalk hmm you talk about a faculty? Your a loser who couldnt get a REAL job so you diss rock stars ha!! Yeah cause your life if so much better!
February 13th, 2006 at 10:48 pm
tina, are you serious?
February 14th, 2006 at 1:56 am
now now play nice. I have to admit. All petes talk on heroics and the like are abit over the top as i never took note of his bands until he became a tabloid celebrity amoungst the likes of Jordon, what a privaledge. Well of course i ‘cultured’ myself and listened to his music ‘loose term there’ and its sounds like someone on drugs has just crapped all over my stereo with the most awful sounds. OOPS, sorry half of that rings true.
February 14th, 2006 at 3:41 am
mediochre tallent hmm represented uk for poetry…yeah real shit. fucking dick…you know fuck all about music and doubt youve ever really ventured any futher than a few libertines/shams songs. keep milking the controversy cow tho, get you some nice publicity…your the cunt
February 14th, 2006 at 9:19 am
Spot on (the original post, not the insane drivel of “tina’s” comment).
February 14th, 2006 at 10:28 am
imbecile is he? answer me this son, how many times were you offered an oxford scholarship, composed numerous top ten singles, a platinum album?. you, my friend are the only imbecile on display on this page.As pete once said, you can cut and paste and twist a story together, you scumbag.
February 14th, 2006 at 1:41 pm
Pete does seem to often play up to an image he has of himself, and at present he seems to want to be half late 19th Century poet and half loveable cockney scamp. Its funny how he says a tailor’s dozen charges. As far as I know such a phrase does not exist. A baker’s dozen means 13, referring to the practice of putting 13 bread buns into a dozen order to give them leeway from being thrown into the stocks for under selling. A tailor’s dozen does not exist and is just one pointer toward Doherty’s pretentiousness. Just as his claiming to Kirst Wark that he quit rehab because he missed his guitar and his books; as far as I know guitars and books are allowed in rehab. He is a relentless self romanticiser.
February 14th, 2006 at 9:16 pm
poetic licence or honest mistake, hardly prtentiousness ye egit
February 16th, 2006 at 3:18 am
Why have taken so much time to try and put this lad down, OK he has his faults, like bein hooked on drugs, but this lads good! really fuckin good! the media and yourself seem intent on screwin this ill man into the ground, give him a break and lets see what can provail!! Pete doherty is a very good lyricist and it shows in his songs to any who knows anything about music- YOU OBVIOUSLY DONT!!
February 16th, 2006 at 2:33 pm
I just found this bit of poetry by Pete Doherty in an old issue of the Guardian:
The golden brown hills,
Through my Window,
A reminder,
Effortless,
That the truth and the music,
Will light my way home.
Do people really think this is good poetry? Dear me
February 16th, 2006 at 4:51 pm
why don’t all of you just give it a rest. Petes been through enough without little fuckers like you drooling over him.
leave the guy alone.
February 16th, 2006 at 11:38 pm
Everyone has a stance on Doherty. His unbridled, and detrimental love affair with narcotics harms no-one but himself. The music he has penned with the libertines and subsequently the babyshambles is inimitably charming, as is the man himself. He is hung by the tabloids on a regular basis, tabloids that would have you believe they are vindicated in their long-winded diatribes due to his dependancy on class A. Am i the only one who thinks ’so what?’. If he’s not peddling them, then who cares, why does it matter.
Pete Doherty, flawed genius….let he who is without sin……..
February 17th, 2006 at 1:32 pm
exactly mick,pete is a flawed genius
February 17th, 2006 at 3:00 pm
Peter Doherty is GOD.
February 18th, 2006 at 2:12 am
Excellent Billy Bilo, a thoroughly thought out point well made. We need more argument of that calibre.
February 18th, 2006 at 4:28 am
I personally believe people should have a reason to parallel their inane rants about Doherty. I also think you need to realise just because you don’t like his poetry, that doesn’t actually mean it’s bad. Pete says he’s a libertine, and he lives up to that non-conformist stance. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion, it’s just rather annoying reading articles like that, all the while knowing they’re only wrote to be “contraversial”.
February 23rd, 2006 at 9:31 pm
so many peopleacctually going out of there way to put pete down, its funny yous hate this guy but then spend so much of your valuable time reading into him! i completely disagree with pete’s addiction to such a brutal drug and its wrong to say its only harming himself because its harming people around him (exactly why the libertines had to get rid of him) but if this man is coming up with such great music while so drugged up its amazing to imagine the creative music he could come up if he had a clear healthy mind away from drugs! thisman is a legend in the making and i find it hard to believe any of these peopleputting him down do not like his music in the slightest because it seems to touch everybody else!
March 9th, 2006 at 8:31 pm
I cant come to understand how any body in there right frame of mind would have anything bad to say about this amazing man.He is a sexy rockstar and im sorry for them small minded people that cant come to see the creativness of this legend.His poetry is different and inspiring, he seems to look at things from a different angle.He is the only true modern rockstar we have today and i dont see how ppl can have a problem with his addictions “sex,drugs and rock n roll” this phrase must be like the bible to him.Just let him rock out and live it…PETE YOUR A BABE & I LOVE YOU!!PLEASE GET BACK WITH KATE SHE IS MY IDOL!!
peace out
January 12th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Nobody sees behind his drug addiction.
This guy is amazing.
January 12th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
This bloke is a complete prick,its about time he had a needle to many.The only way he will bcome truly famous will be if he goes down the same route as Hendrix and co.Good riddance to the junkie wanker.
June 3rd, 2007 at 12:55 pm
you are insane..you don’t understand anything!!
Oh God..
August 27th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
all you pricks who repeatedly continue to put pete down
dont know a single thing about music!!! whilst you sit there
with your ray charles albums and pink floyd numbers completely
oblivious to the fact that they were all on the smack to!!!
the bloke will die one day and all you mother fuckers will
have blood on your hands and would have rid us all of
the best lyrists in modern day rock CUNTS!!!!!!!!!!
November 1st, 2007 at 8:58 am
the person who wrote this article clearly dousent know who pete doherty is hasent listened to any of his music.. write soemthinmg you know about cock.. and how the fuck would tom know what could poetry is your lame ass cock sucker
November 1st, 2007 at 10:11 am
So, sam, I’m guessing you’re not voting for Doherty as the #1 train wreck of the year? It’s a shame really, we could have used a vote from such a discerning and cultured person like you.
November 1st, 2007 at 3:24 pm
sam loves Pete Doherty. Just coz ya on the skag, piss and bag don’t make ya a good poet. i hope sam is american coz he wrote ‘lame ass cock sucker’ and if he is english that’s more poetic than the sid-jim-pete and how funny would that sound in english regional! well funny, that’s ow much.
November 22nd, 2007 at 8:34 pm
Pete is good, he is a drug addict but he is good, he has a talent for rhyme, what is poetry anyway, bukowski described it as a beer shit, i read tolstoy and it bored me to tears, pete will be off the drugs soon and back on track, theres no point insulting him, he is a cult figure, so many people respect him, i’m sure he doesn’t think anything of your petty insults as he is the one sleeping with one of the most beautiful women on englands turf, and someone selling plenty of cds and selling out tours.
BABOONO!
December 17th, 2007 at 9:59 pm
seriously mate, does it make you feel big about yourself ranting on about sumthin you don’t agree with. If pete doherty is such a fuckin burnout, then why is he making a huge chunk of change doing something he loves. You sound like a bit of a lame bitter old man to me. i know freedom of speech n all that, but, your just trying too hard to be funny, its kinda sad. Go listen to some cock rock or somethin!
January 1st, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Of course Pete plays up his role, of course he has his dreams of being, as you put it a “19th Century poet and half loveable cockney scamp” but for fucks sake don’t we all have our dreams of where we’d like to be. I like the fact that you can see what he wants, there is no such thing as not being yourself no matter what you do it is impossible not to be yourself. As he wants to be Baudelaire many want to be him, that is the entire reason we have this celebrity based culture, where God once was and people tried to be like him, to live like Jesus, now we have celebrities and people try to live like them and who cares I’m sure every single hater of Pete does it to, but they have grown up differently and so admire different celebrities. Keep your own Gods and I shall keep mine xXx
February 14th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
ur a fuckin dick mate.
u coudnt write songs with half the feelin he puts into his work!
ur the cunt…. in fact ur not even a cunt a cunt is useful and well u aint
February 15th, 2008 at 12:13 am
Yeh sorry that was really a long winded way of saying hecklerspray ure a twat. Even if you don’t think he’s a hero; i’d rather be striving to be a hero than a dull witted tabloid journalist. xXx
April 11th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
CUNTS !!!
go tina and all you other people that are not dragging him down which is only what the media wants
DONT GIVE IN TO FUCKERS !!!!
April 11th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Mia? As in Mia Culpa?!
You go girl! Another righteous blow sounded
for the cause! Yay! The cause! The cause
of, um, er, uh, getting off yer head and making
crap music! Yeah! Woo-hoo! plop
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:19 pm
“Gothic poetry”
show’s what position this person is in to criticise pete’s poetry
I can’t really see what the aim of this is, if you don’t like pete doherty don’t pay attention to him or his work, don’t try and incite anger in his fan’s by going to the effort of writing this.
Just because you don’t enjoy pete’s songs or poetry or feel strongly about the way he chooses to live his “private” life it doesn’t mean that it’s wrong for others to enjoy his work, it’s incredibly ignorant.
I’m a fan of pete’s work & therefore I think it looks really kool to stick a needle in my arm, nonetheless I reckon pete could play better music than a guitar clutching chimp riding a bicycle down a cobbled street. It would be hard enough teaching a chimp to ride a bike, but to play a guitar at the same time is ridiculous, especially down a cobbled street. You dumbass.
May 25th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
I agree with all of you, who’s on Pete’s side. I think it’s wrong to diss people, just because they’re what? - People!
All the tabloids diss people - what if it were actually themselves, who was on the front page?
Like Mick said (I think it was him)- Pete’s drug addiction harms no-one but himself. So why the f*ck should we care?
I think it’s shameless to piont fingers at someone else, just because one is too damn proud to actually do something about their own flaws.
To all you people who diss other people for being themselves: Shame on you! Get a fricking life!
I mean, it’s a human right to choose their own lifestyle. So why should we listen to other people’s opinions? I think Pete shouldn’t think about anything else, than himself, for now. People haven’t done anything but let him down, he should start seeing the bright side of life. You go, Pete!
June 18th, 2008 at 3:09 am
Really, leave him alone.
He’s a talented man with a problem, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that allows for that kind of attitude towards him. He’s got a lot of idiotic blind hero-worship, too,
but I do respect the man for how unique he is and the message he once had. So he’s lost the plot. It’s sad,
not something to be treated with scorn.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:38 pm
the funniest thing is he is a herion addict and he gets more views on his website than you. You sad excuss of a journalist, or internet moderator, or whatever it is that you do. Also I found this really good - "hecklerspray has run a few of the extracts through our marvellous ‘Common Sense Translation’ machine." and not too long before you compared his interlect to a lemon. I think maybe you need to leave the school your at, shoot up and fuck off.
July 5th, 2008 at 9:07 am
Go Put Your Cock In Someone Who Cares. Fukin Hecklers
July 26th, 2008 at 6:23 am
A friend of mine sent me this link and I must say, the person who wrote this …i honestly don’t know what to call it is in dire need of a hobby. They really must realize that Pete Doherty probably doesn’t know they exist. To waste your time on someone who doesn’t care about what you have to say about them is pointless. Leave the guy alone, he hasn’t personally done anything to harm you so why bug him? Personally, I am very fond of his writing and music, now I am not saying he is the best writer or musician but he is a personal favorite. Compared to all the shit that is on t.v and radio he’s is definitely one of talented ones out there. Pete Doherty was absolutely brilliant in the Libertines, it’s a shame that his drug abuse is affecting his musically. Basically all im trying to say is… to each is own, so fuck off.
July 26th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Wow. No really, wow. Please write more disparaging things about Pete Doherty. These comments are fucking priceless, I don’t think I’ve laughed this much in awhile. Made my day.
August 2nd, 2008 at 3:26 pm
let he without sin cast the first stone, it seems appearent that from this particiular teaching two-a-penny journalists are exempt. Talent, addict, waster; which ever it may be to you he is a human being and the last time i checked he hadnt been convicted of rape or of murder and doesnt deserve to be used like a money filled piñata taking hit after hit so the gutter press to impress their editor and boost their writing careers without having to carry on bumming them every evening. J
ust take one of the most respected men on earth, Nelson Mandela. instead of publically condemning those who are not like him on the surface like pete doherty try and take a leaf out of nelson’s book and perfect yourself before criticising others.
August 10th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
you must read the sun
August 28th, 2008 at 5:16 am
C J Davies - What a pathetic, lame person you are. The fact that you don’t even write your full name after your editorial goes to show what a wretched and sad twat you truly are. How many literary tours of Russia funded by the British Government have you done? You just sit in your one bedroom apartment writing controversial drivel just to get people to log onto what is a pitiable website.
I do, however, understand where you’re anger is coming from, it must be dreadfully distressing and frustrating that you can’t get a job at a reputable publication writing intelligent pieces for intelligent persons. That you must end your article with a conclusion that reads “I am a cunt” really does sum it all up… and what a precisely apt representation it shows of you.
Pete is a hugely talented artist and there is no denying that.
August 28th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
God, this blog’s being going longer than Ben Hur and I haven’t commented yet…
It’s true CJ is lame and this is a pitiable website, but as I’ve said before it’s the only web-blog on the planet without ANY discernible standards.