It's been a while since a Pete Doherty story has graced hecklerspray. That's partly because he's stopped getting arrested every three and a half nanoseconds, and partly because taking the piss out of him just got a bit too easy.
But what if, you know, what if Pete Doherty did something huge to remind everyone that he isn't just an overly-tall waster with an out-of-tune acoustic guitar and a voice like a dying tramp? What if Pete Doherty did something big enough to remind everyone that he was also briefly a notoriously attention-seeking tabloid staple? What if Pete Doherty… was secretly planning to get married to Kate Moss very very soon?
Oh Pete Doherty, we've missed you. We've missed you squirting blood at cameras during interviews, we've missed you getting arrested all the time, we've missed idiots thinking that you're better than David Bowie and we've missed the KLF inventing you. And since Kate Moss split up with Pete Doherty, she's got a bit boring too. Out went all of Kate Moss's druggy police chats and in came a bunch of 'best dressed woman' awards, and that's not entertaining at all.
No. It's probably fair to say that Kate Moss and Pete Doherty splitting up was the single worst thing to have ever happened to planet Earth. So we should all probably celebrate the news that Kate Moss and Pete Doherty might be getting married before long by taking the day off work and setting up a World War II-style street party complete with bunting, Marmite sandwiches and a woman playing the piano. According to reports, Kate Moss is planning to marry Pete Doherty in Ibiza in the very near future, after she was seen wearing what looks suspiciously like an engagement ring. A source told The Sun:
"Pete is telling everyone he loves Kate and is desperate to marry her. He looked healthier than I've seen him for a long while – he looked well over it. They've been inseparable."
Don't get your hopes up too much, though – a friend of Kate's is quick to shoot down these rumours, and the dreams of a planet with it:
"Kate Moss is not engaged and she was wearing her own ring. She's not going off to get married to Pete Doherty. She's being very supportive to him. He's had his implant and he's doing really well in his fight to get off drugs. She's being totally supportive but they're not engaged and they have no plans to marry."
May we be the first to congratulate Pete Doherty and Kate Moss on their possible imminent marriage. Because the sooner they're together, the sooner they can split up again and Pete can go mental and start talking about Kate being like Afghanistan again and that.
[story by Stuart Heritage]