Did The KLF Invent Pete Doherty?
The Internet, famously, is full of a lot of bollocks. But every now and again we hear something that we want to be true so much that it hurts. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. You be the judge.
An amazing thing dropped through the letter box of hecklerspray’s letter box this morning. In a largely unmarked envelope, save the words ‘ImpOrtANt ThiS’, we gallant and giddy lot started foaming at the beak because this was either a bomb or staggering bum shattering news. OK, being truthful, we got an email, and started gawping.
Why? Because it claims that Pete Doherty is nothing more than an invention of the KLF, that’s why.
According to an email we got, Pete Doherty (DVDs) is a giant hoax created by Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty of KLF/ burning a million quid/ firing blanks at Brits audiences/ leaving dead sheep lying around fame. Evidence? You want evidence? Here’s what the email said:
“The Samaritans have today recruited 600 extra staff to deal with an
expected surge in calls as troubled fans come to terms with today’s
revelations about rocker and teen icon Pete Doherty. In a surprise
press conference today, the men behind Doherty’s career revealed
themselves – and admitted that the Libertines, Babyshambles, the tales
of drug use, the armed robberies and the affair with supermodel Kate
Moss have all been part of one of the largest hoaxes in British
history.â€
The men behind the scandal – Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty, who were
themselves infamous popstars under the name The KLF – apparently admitted how they
plucked a young Buddy Holly impersonator from obscurity and made him a
‘star’:
"It was a meant to be a quick stunt to show the frailties of our
celebrity-obsessed culture," said Cauty, adding, "there are too many
people who are famous despite their lack of talent, usefulness and
basic intelligence. We wanted to do something that held a mirror up to
that."
Drummond and Cauty, two people whom genius is a hat that really fits,
carried on in their prepared statements about how Doherty, real name Trevor McDermott was making a paltry living as a Buddy Holly
impersonator, it is claimed. Being a general trampy arsed buffoon, the duo quickly
realised that this toad would be ideal for their grand duping:
"The plan involved proving three theories we have about current British
society. The first is that in the so-called
"alternative" scene, everybody is too scared of missing The Next Big
Thing to worry about anything else." To prove this, some session
musicians were provided to compose the rest of the "band", The
Libertines, and rumours of explosive gigs were leaked to the media. The gigs in question never actually took place, but we didn’t have to
worry about that. Soon the buzz around The Libertines was so frenetic,
journalists were falling over themselves to claim to have been at the
front of every single fictional gig."
Within weeks, The Libertines had gone overground, and wombling free. The e-mail alleges that Drummond and Cauty moved to their second theory:
"We feel that our
culture has become an enormous soap opera. We don’t care what a person
thinks, or creates, or contributes. We just care about what they do in
their normal lives. Especially when it’s something they shouldn’t be
doing."
To demonstrate this marvellous notion, it’s claimed that the fab two orchestrated a number
of scandals. The first was the notorious robbery staged in the house of
Carl ‘P45’ Barat. When the house-usery took place, McDermott (aka
Doherty) was virtually an unknown outside of the wank-mag, NME but
afterwards? Front page of every major national tabloid. A twist in the tale was yet to unfurl. That was the affair with the
most famous Mantis in the world Kate Moss.
"That was not something that
we planned or had any involvement. Whether she knew about the hoax is
something we are not party to. We have never had any contact with Miss
Moss."
This was a surprising result for the experiment. Smack, cracks and
crime had made McDermott a media hot spud, the relationship with one of
fashion’s most famous women slung the hopeless cunt into the world of
A-List celebritard.
In spite of this boon, the project started turning into a major setback
for Drummond and Cauty. The email claims they were preparing to enter the ‘final
phase’ of the scheme, ‘Doherty’ decided that he wanted to part company
with them and threatened legal actions if any details were leaked:
"We were upset at the apparent failure of our grand project, and also
at the monster we had created in Pete Doherty. Our third theorem – that
‘If enough people say that a piece of bullshit is a bar of gold, we’ll
believe it’s a bar of gold’ – seemed to have been beyond salvation.
Fortunately, at that point Pete released the first Babyshambles album."
In the time since then, the e-mails states that Drummond and Cauty have been locked in a
vicious legal battle, which was eventually settled out of court by the
discovery of a video showing McDermott/Doherty singing Peggy Sue at a
holiday camp in Devon. McDermott still denies all charges at the time
of press.
Will this bugger Doherty’s career up? Who knows. Won’t hurt to try, though.
Read more:
Pete Doherty and the KLF – Record of The Day
[story by Mof Gimmers]
RANT AHOY!…
D’you know what? I think it’s a crying tragedy that a coked up stoner with average talent can be elevated to the status effectively of a legend.
The BBC seem to cover Doherty more than world affairs, adding credibility and cult status to this guy in a rather sad attempt at looking “down” with modern culture that makes an otherwise cutting edge news station seem like an out of touch middle-aged Dad on Radio 2 saying “I like all the old stuff, you know, Buddy Holly and that, and I like The Streets.”
In modern culture, celebrity=success in the eyes of most, and therefore in the eyes of teenagers searching for identity. Fine if that extends to wearing silly outfits or copious amounts of gold jewellery. But Dohoerty has been made in to a role model, which scares the living poop out of me, because his image, manufactured or otherwise, is of someone pumping themselves with huge amounts of drugs, and then swaggering around like an indestructible anti-superhero. I don’t want to sound like an old fart, cos I’m not, but as a role model, I think he’s about as far from what we’d like to think our kids will be as is possible.
The media expose themselves for the sick twisted circus tent MCs that they are by covering anything to do with Doherty like a freak show to be peered at from an ivory tower by the middle class. Why is nobody helping this poor bloke?
And hang on a tick “cog sinister” – this walking car crash is FUNNY? Anything that makes taking drugs ‘all a laugh’ and parading a coke subject around like a god isn’t exactly Benny Hill.
And as for this new revelation that he was a hoax all along – as most people are saying it doesn’t really make a difference. Most bands start up in pretty odd ways, and this is no exception.
What I suggest is that a little like the Advertising Monsters in The Simpsons, we all turn around, ignore him, and perhaps he might bugger off and sort himself out. Poor lamb.
who are KLF??
I love the fact that the Doherty haters are so avid that he is talentless and a tosser. If thats your opinion then dont get so het up about him and move on. I dont like 50cent but i dont seek out articles about him so i can read them and get more angry.
Its all a bit wierd. anyway im off to download some KLF (ill be back to rant if they are shite)
I’m gonna say this loud and clear to all the Babyshambles/Libertines/music industry idiots: Pete Doherty is a right, proper, fucking wanker!!!! People who say he’s the greatest singer/songwriter of our generation are clearly taking the piss, and I feel truly sorry for them for believing all of the hype. This cretin has done absolutely fuck-all worthwhile during his life, and consistently proves to everyone that he is indeed a shitstain on the toiletbowl of life. I really do hope that this story is true, because then it would seem fitting to show those idiot Pete fans that they truly are the sad bastards that we all knew they were.
Love the KLF, by the way!
so…. pete doherty… saviour of british rock n roll …. the reason why the world tilts on its axis a little more than usual everytime he takes the stage…. is a figurehead for a massive experiment made up by a couple of sad cunts. tut tut, do you not have anything else better to do with your time. fucking wankers
Half witted junkie at best i hope he does not do a Kobain or a Morrison though i cant be arsed with the 10 years of sanctimony.
Anyone who is interested in this stuff should check out Bill Drummond’s literary efforts he undertook with Mark Manning. I have just read “the wild highway”, and Drummond is one of the most astute and subversive thinkers of our time. He is also completely mad, and has had the gumption to see through much more difficult projects than hoaxing Doherty’s career.
Whether this rumour is true or not, Drummond has proved that “the public,” whoever they are, are a bunch of gullible and highly susceptible morons, willing to buy whatever NME tells them they need to just by bringing this rumour into the limelight and showing that it is believable. Don’t get me wrong, I like a lot of the libs stuff, they had some good tunes, but babyshambles? C’mon, I’ve seen better bands in my local! Good work by the KLF. Doesn’t everyone feel a twat now.
The KLF were not involved but the JAMS in conjunction with the Justified Ancients of MuMu today issued this statement from their ice-cream van:
All Hail the living Eris Discordia. The apple has been thrown.
funny,twisted. who had the time to think all that trough? what a load of crap……..no pls stand back and take time to think about it, bollox!!
Mr Bojangles, TenaciousB and all you other braindead wankers step back and find out the full life of Pete Doherty and what he has achieved in his music not his drugs. Your posts are the world’s greatest proof of reincarnation; no one could get that dumb in just one lifetime. Dullards, do yourself and everyone else a favor: disconnect your computer from the Internet.
Thanks for your contributions, but if I had wanted to hear from somebody with your IQ, I’d be at my local supermarket talking to the vegetables. Are you lot always this ignorant, or are you making a special effort today? If you knew what you’re talking about, you’d be dangerous. As Ellen Glasgow once remarked: “He knows so little and knows it so fluently.”
If those posts were intended as jokes, you forgot to include the punch line. If I had wanted to talk to somebody with your personality, I would be at the damn pet store talking to the lizards. Maybe you wouldn’t read like such pathetic losers if you weren’t intellectually slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through a vat of chunky peanut butter; if your weren’t so fat that the Brooklyn Bridge would collapse if you ever tried to go Bungee Jumping off of it, or if you didn’t have a face so ugly that your Psychiatrist makes you lie face down. Who am I kidding? You would.
In conclusion, sit down and shut up before you trip over your own tongues and hurt yourselves.
Ha ha ha. Im suprised at the amount of people that actually believed this. Deary me, we do have a nation of complete idiots.
haha. Having just listened to some Babyshambles this is story makes complete sense and explains how this trash gets so popular. enjoy the sonic rubbish, sheep.
OF COURSE DOHERTY IS A HOAX! Isn’t it incredible how a joke can become the ‘truth’ if enough people are sucked in (and clearly way too embarrased to admit it). The same people who love Doherty are probably still voting ‘new labour’ and dreaming of pixies… hey ho…
Watch the Great rock n Roll Swindle and there you have it.
if the klf came out with those identical sounds they wouldn’t have got anywhere, since the early days of pop music older stars have assisted in manufacturing stars of tomorrow as an outlet, potboiler or otherwise. if this is true, the only thing any different is that it happened in a territory people put too much stock in – indie rock bollocks. i wouldn’t be shocked, do you lot really care?
plus side is one or two nice songs came out of it, and if you found a way to really relate to any of the lyrics consider yourself blessed.
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Despite this boost, the project began running into a major setback for Drummond and Cauty. Just as they were preparing to enter the final phase of their scheme, Doherty decided that he wanted to part company with them, the fake band, and begin seriously recording music. He stopped all contact with the men, and threatened legal actions if any details were leaked to the press. “We were upset at the apparent failure of our grand project, and also at the monster we had created in Pete Doherty. Our third theorem – that ‘If enough people say that a piece of s*** is a bar of gold, we’ll believe it’s a bar of gold’ – seemed to have been beyond salvation. Fortunately, at that point Pete released the first Babyshambles album.”
In the time since then, Drummond and Cauty have been locked in a vicious legal battle, which was eventually settled out of court by the discovery of a videotape showing McDermott singing “Peggy Sue” at a Butlin’s in Devon. Publicly, McDermott still strongly denies all charges. How this affects the future career of Pete Doherty remains to be seen.
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Not really. All vicious lies. Pete Doherty is a wonderful artist, who will no doubt have a long and successful music career due to his incedible musical talents. This was concocted as part of HateQuest 2006
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ok everybody
lie down on the floor and keep calm
take me aha take me aha aha
take me to the church of the klf
take me to the church of the klf
ladies and gentlemen the klf have now left the building
r these guys for real???
i mean
wots with all this justified ancients of mumushit!!!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA
KLF RULEZ FOREVAAAAA
SAMPLE CITY
http://www.gawker.com/news/pete-doherty/the-pete-doherty-hoax-resolved-156036.php
Pete isn’t a hoax set up by the KLF! Don’t believe everything you read, some of it is pure rubbish.
Pete’s real name is PETER Doherty, but not Trevor McDermott! Pfff..
HE CANT WRITE DECENT MUSIC,IT’S JUST DRUGGY RAMBLINGS
HE IS A SWEATY LITTLE SKINNY NERD
HE WEARS STUPID 60’s CLOTHES FROM A CHARITY SHOP
HE CANT SING AT ALL
HE SHOULD BE LOCKED UP WITH NO GEAR FOREVER
ive heard his poems.
i think i would rather enjoy pouring hot lava in my ears than listen to that crap again.
well well welly my lickle droogs bed ways is right ways time to get a lickle spatchka – the KLF may have made absurdism possible in RnR but Pete Doherty has that “i’ll tell you what it is about Pete Doherty” quality. I met him we exchanged I tell you as true as i am BLUebeard Trevor has never once cheated on Kate, Kate never Cheadleed on Pete. No one listens anymore isn’t that what the KLF are saying and why James Cauty is now an ARTist and Bill well Bill is secretly managing Celtic Partthistle – who could win the title and get into europe. There will be nothing of Scotland left at this rate. Pete the parties at mine at seven bring a can……….
brilliant reporting – totally true
well im convinced that theres more to this than meets the eye. theres a track on a shambles cd east wing b wing d wiiiing and its the biggest load of tripe i think thats ever crossed into the public domain. how anybody could endorse this utter shit and still consider themselfs to be a valid artist is beyond believing even more than this tale of the latest KLF hoax