Octomom Nadya Suleman has come in for a lot of stick since giving birth to all those children last year.
And it’s unfair. Just because she convinced a doctor to fill her with so many embryos that throughout her pregnancy you could hear them all screaming in terror like people trapped in a burning skyscraper every time she so much as bent over, it doesn’t mean that Nadya Suleman isn’t normal. And yesterday she appeared on The View to prove how normal she is.
That said, what Nadya Suleman actually did was babble and yelp and squeak and wail and contradict herself several times within the space of the same breath and show everyone what she looks like in swimwear and generally make Whoopi Goldberg pull a face like she was being forced to watch a video of graphic animal cruelty. Job done, then.
Now that Kate Gosselin‘s out of the picture – or at least obscured from general view by anything up to 17 indescribably terrible simultaneous haircuts – Octomom Nadya Suleman has a clear shot at becoming the world’s best-known mother of an irresponsibly large amount of children. This is her time to shine, at least until all the Duggar kids are old enough to verbalise their weird beliefs.
But that in itself poses a problem. How can Nadya Suleman maximise on this opportunity? After all, she’s already toyed with the idea of porn and attempted to sell a video of her giving birth and vocally declared that her babies were a mistake and caused her doctor to be investigated on a charge of gross negligence. Where could she possibly go from here?
Well, there’s always The View. Somehow, The View always brings out the worst in people. It reduced Danny DeVito to a dribbling mess. It caused Rosie O’Donnell to embark on a long, show, horribly public breakdown of sorts. It even made lovely Whoopi Goldberg briefly advocate dog murder. What causes all this madness? Elisabeth Hasselbeck, probably. So, with this in mind, what did Octomom do on The View? Funny you should ask – she did this:
Now, for those of you who don’t have audio, here’s a rough transcript of what Nadya Suleman actually said in this video:
“I’m so energetic! I’m so energe… and I’m writing! And I didn’t realise what kind of an enormous… yeah, my energy levWHUHA! It’s called DNA! IT’S CALLED DNA! And my mom’s in her seventies and she has more just as much energy as I do. I don’t wanna be like that WHUHAHAHA! … Someone told me I need a laugh coach aHAHA! I didn’t answer your questiAHAHA!”
It goes on for three entire minutes after that, too, but it sort of descends into a kind of interminable high-pitched squeal that refuses to ever stop. What’s the moral of this story? How about we tell you after our ears have stopped bleeding.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter