Octomom Nadya Suleman Asked To Do A Big Load Of Porn

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If you’re a fan of very very very very very VERY very specialist niche pornography, then you’d do well to read on.

But only if you’re sure. We haven’t really been following the story of Octomom Nadya Suleman very closely – because, oh, whoopy-doo, a woman gave birth to an octopus, big deal – but that changes right this instant, because Vivid Entertainment has offered Nadya Suleman $1 million to star in a porn film.

Which is obviously disgusting – but, on the other hand, if the co-star was that pregnant bloke from last year, we’re in. We never really liked our libido anyway.

You’ll have to excuse our ignorance here, but we’re new to this story. As far as we can tell, Octomom Nadya Suleman is famous because she gave birth to eight baby octopuses at once, on purpose, and everyone’s annoyed at her because their taxes will be used to help raise them so why doesn’t she just drop-kick them into an abandoned quarry or something. We think that’s more or less it, at least.

Well, Nadya Suleman doesn’t have to worry about any more death threats or negative public reaction any more, because Vivid Entertainment has come up with the perfect way for her to raise her babies without any financial aid from the taxpayer and escape with her dignity intact to boot. Apart from the dignity part.

Basically Vivid Entertainment has offered Nadia Suleman a million dollars to do some porn. But not just any porn – because Nadia Suleman had eight babies, she’d get to have sex with eight different men. Genius. We would have never thought of that, but that’s probably because Vivid Entertainment is Vivid Entertainment and we’re able to sleep at night. Fox has more:

“The number eight is obviously heavily associated with her so we would like to work with that,” Vivid’s CEO Stephen Hirsch told Tarts. “But we would really love just to sit down and talk with her and come up with something she feels comfortable with. We want her to be involved with the whole thing from the plot line to the packaging.” Hirsch says Suleman has received their offer and is considering it.

Obviously a Nadya Suleman porn film would become an instant classic – you’d have the notoriety of the star and the variety of watching her have sex with eight different, yet equally gurning, men. Plus Nadya Suleman famously looks a bit like Angelina Jolie, so it’d be like watching a porno where an exhausted-looking Angelina Jolie gets draped in gigantic reams of loose skin and keeps involuntarily blasting jets of milk out of her knockers at dramatically inopportune moments. Everyone’s a winner.

And let’s not forget the pioneering work that Nadya Suleman would be doing for the genre of MIWRLFBWNWOOASOMC porn (that’s Mother I Wouldn’t Really Like To Fuck But Would Nevertheless Watch Out Of A Sense Of Morbid Curiosity porn to you).

Honestly, it’d make sense for Nadya Suleman to do this porn film. Maybe not common sense, or the sense that she’d ever feel that good about herself afterwards, or the sense that being a single mother of 14 children who has sex with strangers for cash will be anything but dreadful for her love life, but it’d definitely make some sense. Probably.

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Comments

  1. Gilbert Wham says

    can this acronym incorporate wildcards? *.NWOOASOMC porn covers quite a lot of shit I’ve watched out of, well, morbid curiosity. Some of it involved eels. Eels.

  2. Julian Mentat says

    Why doesn’t Octomum go to Japan and make Tentacle Porn? Honestly, the scripts just write themselves!
    See, here, I’m leaving a blanks space for a script, confident that it will write itself:

    …The End

  3. says

    To blazes with porn! If she can squeeze her cephalopod head through a hole the size of a cigarette box, then I want to see her in spy/action/sci-fi films.

  4. Tom J says

    There’s clearly enough room in her bloated uterus for an entire film crew, maybe they hope to redefine the term “internal cumshot” (a term I’m not familiar with, of course).

  5. shooty* says

    I figured out a way for all 8 to do her at once, but it would involve nostrils.

    And a maximum of DVDA.

    Anything more (TVTA?) would just be grotesque, obv. though there’s probably room.

    I’m going to stop thinking now. And may have to jab out my mind’s eye with a pencil.

  6. Bull says

    It should be VERY clear to everyone that Nadia Suleman is a BIG liar. It looks like the motive for having kids was fame/publicity/money.
    She is very clever and manipulative. (See her old videos with boyfriend, changing statements about EVERYTHING, reality TV show)
    Clearly she is NOT fit to raise kids. So her kids should be taken by Child-Services and given for adoption immediately.
    After that she is free to do whatever … reality TV show, Porno,…

  7. Alan says

    I can’t say I care overmuch for they way she’s done, or for her for that matter. That being said, I would love to watch her in a porn. There is something evil and taboo at the thought of her and fornication in the same sentence. I’m in!! And any guy that says I’m sick….you know there’s a portion of that group that would NOT turn her down if she were knocking on your door at 2 am…

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