The National Television Awards act as a perfect reflection of British viewing trends. And, judging by this theory, this year the British public like nothing more than flying space aliens and annoyingly smug beardy men.
The two biggest winners at last night's British Television Awards were Doctor Who, which won Best Actor, Best Actress and Best Drama for its effortless portrayal of an irritating short possibly rather tall man who sounds like a local radio DJ dragging a wide-mouthed teenager to all sorts of spooky space hospitals from the future; and Deal Or No Deal, which won Best Daytime TV Show with Noel Edmonds also picking up the coveted Best Relentless Use Of The Word 'Extraordinary' To Describe The Act Of A Pikey Opening A Fucking Box award.
Although in America awards season comes in the springtime – when the world's biggest stars dress up flawlessly and attend million-dollar ceremonies like The Oscars and The Golden Globes – in the UK we seem to be slap-bang in the middle of awards season, but nobody's seemed to notice. The Q Awards took place this week – probably because if it was held any later in the year all the frail old award winners would die of pneumonia – and the National Television Awards were held last night.
In theory National Television Awards night is the crowning glory in British broadcasting, where the public finally gets its say over what shows and personalities it clutched to its chest most dearly over the last 12 months. However, this is slightly flawed because in reality a) the television ratings tend to already do this and b) the British public are the exact same people who let Joe Pasquale get famous, and for that their judgement must be doubted.
Anyway Doctor Who was the biggest winner at the National Television Awards last night, topping of a resurrection that not even confusing Doctor Who spin-off Torchwood – Doctor Who's version of Baywatch Nights starring him off Dancing On Ice – can destroy. Doctor Who won Best Drama Series, beating off the likes of Lost and Desperate Housewives, while new Doctor Who David Tennant won Best Actor and his lantern-jawed sidekick, autobiography-writing infant Billie Piper won Best Actress. And then there was Noel Edmonds and Deal Or No Deal.
In America Deal Or No Deal is a glitzy extravaganza where beautiful models open golden suitcases on a set that probably cost more than your house to build. In England, however, Deal Or No Deal involves unemployed people opening MDF boxes in what appears to be a laminate-flooring showroom while a bearded man tells us how extraordinary it all is. Despite these superficial differences, though, Deal Or No Deal is still basically Pop Up Pirate, without any of the obvious excitement that pirates or popping would bring. And Deal Or No Deal last night won Best Daytime TV show, which also symbolised the formal return of Noel Edmonds.
After a decade in the television wilderness, the National Television Awards success of Deal Or No Deal has brought Noel Edmonds back to the forefront of popular culture, except this time he's got new-age self-help books and the weird belief that the universe will give him stuff instead of a seven-foot singing blancmange. Thanks to Deal Or No Deal, Noel Edmonds is back where he belongs; hosting beauty contests, bragging about driving a car naked at 186mph and complaining that talking to the voices in his head and getting paid for it has given him RSI. Oh, we missed him.
So, while we try to anticipate the juddering level of smugness that winning a National Television Award will bring to Noel Edmonds, here's the list of all the National Television Awards winners:
Most Popular Actress – Billie Piper, Rose Tyler, Doctor Who
Most Popular Actor – David Tennant, The Doctor, Doctor Who
Most Popular Daytime Programme – Deal Or No Deal
Most Popular Comedy – Little Britain
Most Popular TV Contender – Nikki, Big Brother
Most Popular Factual – Top Gear
Most Popular Newcomer – Charlie Clements, Bradley Branning, EastEnders
Most Popular Entertainment Presenters – Ant and Dec
Most Popular Drama – Doctor Who
Most Popular Quiz – Ant and Dec's Gameshow Marathon
Most Popular Entertainment – X Factor
Most Popular Reality – Big Brother
Most Popular Serial Drama – EastEnders
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Steve Berry says
Tennant, short? Smug, mockney, skinny-whippet-hipped, Scottish… yes. Short? No.
Nicole Lichek says
No way is he Smug, mockney, skinny-whippet-hipped!!!!! *cough* Idiot *cough*