Billie Piper To Write Autobiography
The British public are stupid.
Seriously. They are. They're a bunch of Ant And Dec-watching, Embrace-liking, semi-literate turdbrains who enjoy nothing more than beating each other up in Wetherspoons, buying pirate DVDs of Paul Walker movies and shovelling rancid high-street fast food into their gaping imbecilic face-holes.
Okay, okay… maybe we're being unfair. Maybe that's an exaggeration. The British public aren't all like that.
Just 99.9% of them.
Want proof? Want solid gold can't-argue concrete evidence that this nation is doomed to slide into a putrid pit of cultural excrement?
Billie Piper has signed a six-figure deal to scribble out her autobiography.
Yes, that's the Billie Piper – teenpop muppet and Doctor Who 'actress'. Apparently the Pipester is promising an "absolutely candid insight" into her remarkable, extra-special better-than-Jesus existence. This is presumably so that:
a) The book will have a good selling point, and
b) Wide-eyed chav girls with names like Kylie will be able to flick through the hallowed Piper-penned pages (thereby enjoying the first book they have read since Spot Goes Fishing), all the while filling their otherwise empty brains with chronically deluded notions of stardom, making a solemn vow to follow in Billie's footsteps and attempt to become famous despite lacking any fundamental degree of talent, worth or imagination outside of choosing which flavour of Bacardi Breezer they'd quite like to drink eighteen bottles of.
Hodder editorial director Nick Davies said:
"I've no doubt that we've got a bestseller on our hands."
We still can't quite decide what's more depressing – the fact that he's willing to sign Billie Piper up or the fact that he's absolutely bloody correct about the book being an inevitable smash hit.
Either way… an apocalypse would be nice.
Really.
Read More:
Billie Signs Autobiography Contract – Yahoo!
[story by C J Davies]
I Like Billie Piper, I’m American And Male… While I Guess Right Off That The Assumption Will Be Made That To Me She Is Nothing More Than The Latest Fad In Eye-candy, I’d Say She’s Alot More Than That. She’s A Talented, Ever-broadening Actress, To Start. And In A World Where Plastisized, Junkie, Hollywood Glam-Fodder Like The Lohans, Hiltons And Spears’ Are All Running Around Like Psychos, It’s Refreshing To Me To See An Actress And Former Singer, Who Knows Full-well Young Girls Look Up To Her, Having The Currage To Tell Of The Pitfalls, Pains And Redemptions Of Young Celebrity Lifestyle. The Questionable Obligations She Faced In Order To Make It At All, Like Needing To Stay Thin And Starving Herself. Young Women The World Over Are Being Given A Poor Self Image And Sense Of What Is Right, Wrong And Expected… Billie Piper Has An Opportunity To Give Those Young Women A Lesson By Example, What To Avoid. Yea, I’m Sure The Money Helped… But Cash Cannot Buy Courage, Peace Of Mind, Talent Or Intelligence.
Billie Piper, during her time on Doctor Who, proved herself to be a top-notch actress. She deserves all the success she is receiving.
And, for the records, I am not a young, chav-ish Brit. I’m a nearly 40 year old Canadian, who is simply able to appreciate talent when he sees it.
omg i hate billie piper such a slut !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!dont like her at all nd never will lol !!!!!
How dare you call Billie Piper a slut? Do you know her, no! I happen to be one of her biggest fans and I love her. Her autobiography is a great read. I think you should get your facts right.
I have been so moved by Billie’s recent activities that I was compelled to spend 83 seconds composing a poem for her:
Billie Piper
You were quite cute in Doctor Who
But, dear, that was before
When we looked past your teeth and zits
For now you’re just a whore.
lol don’t you look like an idiot now after piper doing call girl. going on how she has no talent and how she never will. she is fantastic in it. never been a fan of her till this. she has skill.
personally, i thought billie’s book was a wonderful and eyeopening insight into the music industry and the life of a confused girl. billie went through some hard times and i think she deserves to be applauded for her successful outcome.
Why so jealous? If critics had talent and or real skills then they wouldn’t be toxin spewing haters. Don’t hate! The world would be a lot better off.