It’s probably fair to say that being racist is the new being a gay cowboy – giant racist ensemble flick Crash beat early favourite Brokeback Mountain to Best Picture last night at the Oscars.

We’re worried – Paul Haggis writes Million Dollar Baby and it wins at the Oscars. Paul Haggis writes and directs Crash and it wins at the Oscars. Paul Haggis writes the screenplay for Casino Royale… surely not.

Up until last night, Brokeback Mountain was the 1/5 favourite to win the Best Picture trophy at the Oscars – having previously won Baftas, Golden Globes, Writers Guild Of America, Producers Guild Of America, Los Angeles Film
Critics Association
and Loveliest Hanging Basket awards – but Brokeback’s chances fell by the
wayside as all of the Academy got sick of hearing gay cowboy joke after
gay cowboy joke and voted for Crash (DVDs) to win Best Picture instead.

Crash – for those of you who haven’t seen it – is basically Sandra
Bullock dancing around telling slightly racist jokes about Don Cheadle
for two hours while Matt Dillon tries to shoot Tony Danza for having a
Gollywog in his house. Or something like that, at least. Anyway, it won
something at the Oscars, OK? Accepting the Oscar, Crash producer Cathy
Schulman said:

"We are humbled by the other nominees in this category. You have
made this year one of the most breathtaking and stunning maverick years
in American cinema."

Breathtaking
and stunning and hardly-watched, Cathy. Get it right. Other Oscars went
to Reese Witherspoon (Best Actress - Walk The Line), Phillip Seymour
Hoffman (Best Actor – Capote) and Ang Lee (Best Director – Brokeback
Mountain). George Clooney took the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for
his role in Syriana and Rachel Weisz won the Best Supporting Actress
Oscar for the bits before she’s murdered in The Constant Gardener.

But
you knew all that, because that foolish woman from GMTV has been
prattling about the Oscars relentlessly in hugely unnecessary detail since the moment you woke up, right?

Read more:

‘Crash’ Pulls Off Upset, Wins Best-Picture – ABC

[story by Stuart Heritage]