As if the recent internet photos of Miley Cyrus whipping her bra out around rolling on a boy’s lap in her underwear weren’t enough, now the web is abuzz with a brand new picture – a picture that shows Miley Cyrus completely topless, or at least as topless as you can be when you’re covered in a blanket. And what’s more, this topless Miley Cyrus photo was taken for well-known spank rag Vanity Fair by that filthy pornographer Annie Leibovitz.
OK, so what actually happened was that one of the world’s most famous photographers took a picture of Miley Cyrus that isn’t really very naked in the slightest. But, hey, that hasn’t stopped Miley Cyrus from apologising for it, the stupid teenage twit.
Miley Cyrus is on a downward spiral and no mistake. Formerly a fresh-faced young tween sensation responsible for the entire Hannah Montana juggernaut, Miley Cyrus was the wholesome poster girl who, despite occasional glimpses of harmless sass, was a good child who loved her parents. And, given that one of those parents is rat-tailed chuffwit Billy Ray Cyrus, that made Miley Cyrus very special indeed.
But then things started to go awry. First Miley Cyrus didn’t wear a seatbelt in public, and then – as these things tend to do – that snowballed and snowballed until Miley Cyrus got her bra out on the internet. But luckily, Miley Cyrus’ run of irresponsible behaviour ended right there and she never did anything controversial ever again.
Except, you know, all those topless photos Miley Cyrus had taken for Vanity Fair. Did we mention those?
Yes, it looks like Miley Cyrus has had a topless photo done. Honestly, talk about bad timing – this is probably the worst timing that we’ve ever seen involving the publication of a 15-year-old girl’s topless photos. Or at least it would be if Miley Cyrus was actually, you know, topless in any of them.
Recently Miley Cyrus was interviewed for Vanity Fair magazine, and posed for photos with Annie Leibovitz – the woman responsible for one of the most famous photos of all time, plus the photo that made the Queen get all pretend-spazzy last year.
And, as well as being taken by a respected artist for a well-renowned magazine, none of Miley Cyrus pictures are actually topless. The most revealing photo shows Miley wrapped in a blanket with both of her arms covering everything that could be considered as even slightly indecent. So it’s all a bit of a storm in a teacup, really – one that’s been whipped up by kneejerking reactionaries with nothing better to do. In fact, Miley Cyrus would be acting like the worst kind of backtracking celebrity arsehole to apologise to these idiots.
So Miley Cyrus has apologised for the topless photos. Did we mention that? People reports:
“My goal in my music and my acting is always to make people happy. For Vanity Fair, I was so honored and thrilled to work with Annie [Leibovitz]. I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be ‘artistic’ and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed.” … In its own statement about the Vanity Fair story, the Disney Channel, which broadcasts Cyrus’s series Hannah Montana, said: “Unfortunately, as the article suggests, a situation was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines.”
Yeah, how dare Vanity Fair manipulate an innocent 15-year-old girl, and also manipulate her parents and minders who were present during the photoshoot as well and who saw the images as they were being taken thanks to the wonders of digital photography. Sneaky bastards.
It’s all quite ridiculous, but it’s given us an idea for a brilliant new game. Next time Miley Cyrus goes out wearing, say, green shoes, we’re going to bitch and wail and kick up a stink about the fact that Miley Cyrus is wearing green shoes like a slut and that she’s only 15 for god’s sake and a role-model to millions. If enough people complain with us, maybe we can force an apology out of Miley Cyrus for that, too. Maybe she’ll even insinuate that she was tricked into wearing green shoes by an evil adult again. Brilliant!
Anyway, despite all the fuss, these ‘topless’ Miley Cyrus photos might even be good for her career in the long run – look what happened after Lindsay Lohan had those topless photos taken.
Yeah, we’re basically saying that we want to see Miley Cyrus get apeshit drunk in a club. What of it?
Image: Vanity Fair/ Annie Leibovitz