So don’t act all surprised now that a set of photos of 15-year-old Miley Cyrus yanking down her top to show off her bra and rolling around on a boy’s lap in just her underwear have emerged. And don’t act all alarmed either – although admittedly it’s not perfect role model behaviour, Miley Cyrus is a normal teenage girl, and this is what all normal teenage girls do.
Wait, no, actually that’s wrong – what we meant to say there was that this is what all normal teenage girls do in the minds of creepy old yellow-toothed men who hang around school gates at playtime and faintly smell of stale semen. But that’s close enough. Congratulations Miley Cyrus! You’re living the dream!
We all know how important it is to fit in with your peers. That’s why people play golf – nobody actually likes golf, they just start playing it because someone they work with plays it. It’s a self-perpetuating spiral of misery, golf.
Anyway, fitting in with your peers is even harder when you’re a tween sensation, because it means you have to debase yourself on a regular basis. As soon as, say, Vanessa Hudgens gets her tits and minge out in a photo, then Jamie Lynn Spears has to have underage sex until she’s pregnant just to keep up. It’s like the golf thing, but more appealing to paedophiles.
However, on tween star had managed to rise above the depravity – Miley Cyrus. Daughter of Achy Breaky Heart singer Billy Ray Cyrus and the star of TV shows, sold out tours, a number one movie and more opportunistic merchandise that you could scuttle an oil tanker with, the most trouble that Miley Cyrus had ever been in is when she didn’t wear a seatbelt once. But that’s all changed now.
Now Miley Cyrus’ butter-wouldn’t-melt reputation has been hit by some photos released onto the internet showing Miley Cyrus in just her underwear. That’s right, Miley Cyrus in her underwear. She’s 15. You should be ashamed of yourself. MTV has more:
On Monday (April 21), a set of shots depicting the squeaky-clean 15-year old Cyrus made the rounds online, showing the singer wearing just a bra and underwear while draped across the lap of an unnamed male, and another in which she’s pulling down her shirt to reveal a green bra. It’s actually the second batch of eyebrow-raising shots of Cyrus to hit the Net over the past six months, following on the heels of much tamer pictures of the singer and a female friend nearly kissing as they shared a piece of licorice; some others that popped up on her MySpace page in which she posed suggestively in a bikini and her underwear.
Really, what was Miley Cyrus thinking? She knows that she’s a role model to millions of young teenage girls, and once they all see that Miley Cyrus has effectively given them the go-ahead to strip down to their underwear and roll around on strange men’s laps, then where will we be? Mainland Europe, that’s where.
However, some are saying that these racy Miley Cyrus photos are an indication of Miley’s move from tween star to mainstream celebrity. Soon enough Miley will ditch Hannah Montana and move onto something a bit more suitable, although at the moment that looks like it’ll be a starring role in I Know Who Killed Me 2: It Was My Own Bare Vagina That Killed Me, And Also My Tits.
Fingers crossed, though, that this spate of tween flagitiousness will come to an end now that everyone from Vanessa Hudgens to Miley Cyrus has seen rude pictures of themselves published on the internet.
At least until that video of Dora The Explorer getting gangbanged by those animal friends of hers leaks out, anyway.