Yes, you read that correctly – at the Super Bowl, the New York Giants will be replaced with Michael Jackson, who'll face off against the New England Patriots with just a monkey in a helmet for help.
No, we're just kidding. In fact Michael Jackson will be doing what he does third-best for Sunday's Super Bowl – music. But Michael Jackson won't be performing during the Super Bowl halftime show, probably because a gaunt middle-aged man muttering three lines of Stranger In Moscow before wandering off doesn't cut it as entertainment any more.
Instead, Michael Jackson will be on an advert broadcast during the Super Bowl halftime show. Actually, that's not true either – some of Thriller will be played on an advert broadcast during the Super Bowl halftime show.
Not much of a story, this, is it?
When it comes to making hopelessly-doomed comebacks, Britney Spears is nothing but a young pretender compared to the master that is Michael Jackson. In the last couple of years he's aborted more comebacks than we could ever recall. Remember when Michael Jackson was recording that album in Bahrain that never happened? And remember the big comeback in London that just turned out to be Michael Jackson standing behind a children's choir singing We Are The World for four seconds?
Mangled messes the lot of them. But now Michael Jackson has decided to make a proper, full-on, foolproof comeback that's foolproof primarily because Michael Jackson really won't have much to do with it.
The 2008 Super Bowl will take place on Sunday, and Michael Jackson is being lined up for a starring role. Not for the main Super Bowl halftime performance itself, you understand – organisers have already lined up the mind-blistering white-hot electropunk juggerpop of, um, Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers for that – but instead Michael Jackson will be on an advert played in between all the fun parts. Sort of. Metro reports:
Michael Jackson hopes to stage a Thriller comeback at American football's Super Bowl next weekend. As part of marketing for the 25th anniversary of the classic album, a TV advert for a vitamin-enhanced drink from Pepsi will be broadcast with a Thriller theme during the big game next Sunday.
Pepsi? But won't that infringe on Michael Jackson's exclusive Jesus Juice endorsement?
Anyway, Michael Jackson plans to follow up this – admit it – slightly rubbish comeback with something a bit more substantial. According to reports, Michael Jackson will perform a medley of his hits at the Grammys next month. Or rather he'll just halfheartedly jig around while Fergie, will.i.am and Akon do all the actual legwork.
It's not the most convincing comeback you'll ever hear about, but perhaps it's for the best. After all, what other Super Bowl options did Michael Jackson have? A self-deprecating Kevin Federline-style advert about what a loser he is? A deliberately controversial Snickers-style advert about Michael Jackson kissing a lot of men? No, this is best.
And let's just be thankful that Michael Jackson didn't follow his sister Janet into performing at the halftime show. God knows how the world would react to Michael whapping a booby out.
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Tom Vjestica says
WoW, Someone is JEALOUS of Michael Jackson
toolahroolahroolah says
“God knows how the world would react to Michael whapping a booby out.”
Great! Thanks for that, really!!
It will take decades to erase that mental image.
My solicitor will contact you.
Seun says
Why dont you just give the report and leave the bias? this is the most shoddy report i have ever read. Where lies your professionalism? Obviously you aint got any of it cause a journalist is supposed to be fair and neutral. Leave the judgment to the readers please.
yep2000 says
LOL…who writes this shit, u dont seem know nothing about MJ, yes i agree your just sooo JEALOUS of the king of pop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
stinkyfinger says
Tom, Seun, Yep……..shouldn’t you be in school right now rather than messing on the computer? Are you missing the point of Hecklerspray somewhat? there is a clue somewhere in the name. Let the rest of us know when you catch up.
George Taylor says
Hackling Michael Jackson is out – keep your journalism professional and let the public decide when and how we embrace him – and stop trying to persuade us with useless bias reports.
Chello says
Hecklerspray or anything; this is the same old garbage rehashed over and over again. What a shame that people get salaried for this type of reporting. All in all its what you do for a living and we cannot really hold that against especially at times like this when the USA is undergoing a recession… MJ, we love you!
gir says
I protest to the shoddy reporting in that comment by Chello.
Nobody loves Michael Jackson, and he will die alone and penniless after being sued by his children in a wrongful life claim.
euclid says
Jackal Mikeson is proof positive, as if we needed it,
that Fame rots your face off. or maybe surgery does.
whatever.
Why isn’t Tom Cruise doing something about this?
He just sits around laughing in his turtleneck
while clearly there is someone in great need of his
awesome special super hero Scientologicianicism.
Lazy butt Tom. Stop playing the soap dish game
with Val Kilmer and do something before it’s too late.
Umm, wait. It’s already too late. Better do something else then.
Like save Britney from the ravages of “Dr.” Phil.
Hans Christian Vang says
“God knows how the world would react to Michael whapping a booby out.”
Sorry to burst your bubble – but America is the only country in the western world that would go nuts over a tit. You’re alone in your gender-scared lifestyles.
Da Man says
go on an hate on him hater and still shall he rise
above it all.
Pikmeir says
journalists reporting on an event or situation should keep their opinions to themselves and let the reader decide that.
this sounds blatantly biased.
Eddie says
“America is the only country in the western world that would go nuts over a tit”
hahahaha, I love that!
that is so true. I honestly could not believe the big fuss the Americans made over a pair of tits….you people are so backward. Besides, in the whole rest of the world Michael Jackson still respected as a singer. You guys should get over this silly judgment,s and give the guy the credits and respect he deserves for all he has done for the black music, and for the children all over the world. Your jokes were not funny Mrs….what is your name again?
nick says
well hes dead who cares