This is a mark of how famous Michael Jackson is: the announcement that Michael Jackson doesn't have pneumonia has made the news all over the world, but we've never even come close to getting pneumonia and where are our bloody headlines, eh?
Still, maybe if Fox News had mistakenly announced that we were seriously ill in hospital with pneumonia too, we'd be getting the sort of attention that Michael Jackson is. Handily, though, Michael Jackson has trundled out one of his slaves to say that – rather than being struck down with full-blown pneumonia like Fox said – Michael Jackson is just feeling a little bit poorly with a mystery bug. Everyone's fully expecting Michael Jackson to be up and at 'em again in the near future, though, since Jackson knows more than anyone that nothing kicks illness in the head like a litre of Jesus Juice and a quick wank.
It's been a big week for Michael Jackson. Don't believe us? Well, this week Michael Jackson okayed a giant 50ft laser-shooting robot Michael Jackson to stroll around the Nevada desert and was falsely reported to be seriously ill with pneumonia by a major news source – what have you done? You filled in a stationary order while cack-handedly flirting with that new work experience girl who's clearly repulsed by your stinking coffee breath, didn't you?
Anyway, Michael Jackson has been trying to keep several balls in the air at the moment – there's his potential Las Vegas show to discuss, all those trips to Japan to charge idiots to shake his hand and the will.i.am-produced comeback album that we're not convinced will ever be released to name but a few, and that's without indulging in typical Michael Jackson hobbies like dressing up like a woman and watching giraffes slosh about in gallons of their own blood – so no wonder Michael Jackson is feeling run down, the poor mite. That's 'run down', you hear, not 'almost dead from pneumonia'. Just in case you haven't quite, got it, MSNBC is here to spell it out:
Michael Jackson is recovering from a bad cold or the flu after a trip to Europe but contrary to news reports has not been hospitalized, his spokeswoman said Thursday. “He was a little under the weather when he returned from Europe. He probably had a bad cold or the flu. But he was never hospitalized,” Jackson’s spokeswoman, Raymone Bain, said of the entertainer… A columnist for FoxNews.com reported that the one-time King of Pop had been hospitalized in Vegas with pneumonia. “All of us were (a little under the weather). I don’t know the diagnosis. But I talked to Michael a couple hours ago and he’s fine. He’s having meetings.”
The news that Michael Jackson isn't in hospital with pneumonia is bound to be a huge relief for everyone. Michael Jackson is too busy still trying to sell Neverland to the remaining handful of people who aren't all creeped out by it to have time to die of pneumonia, while all the patients in all the Las Vegas hospitals will no doubt be thankful that Michael Jackson hasn't been admitted anywhere – after all, he does have a nasty habit of killing people in hospitals.
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