A quick show of hands, please: who else assumed that Michael Jackson's comeback album would be a half-baked self-justification including song-titles like Innocent (Didn't Do It), Not Guilty (Didn't Do It) and Those Kids Wanted It (Still Didn't Do It Though)?
Well… it still might be, for all we know. But it's more likely that the new Michael Jackson album will contain at least one song where Michael Jackson sings about how pretty his tits are, because it's going to be produced by Will.I.Am from The Black Eyed Peas. And this time it isn't just a rumour either, because Will.I.Am has been busy talking up the record and saying that Michael Jackson still sings like a bird.
OK, let's get the Orville jokes out of the way before we carry on, shall we?
Michael Jackson needs to act fast. Up until recently the slightest Michael Jackson movement – like him dressing up as a lovely Muslim lady or being vaguely exciting to some Japanese people – would result in all kinds of frenzied babbling, but now that his brother Jermaine Jackson is on Celebrity Big Brother, it looks like Michael Jackson might end up as the second-most famous member of the Jackson 5 if he doesn't get his act together and release some music soon.
Sure, Michael Jackson has made promises to make a new record for ages, but we're learning not to hold our breath. First Michael Jackson was going to make a new record in Bahrain – only for that to go pear-shaped very quickly – and the much rumoured Michael Jackson/ 50 Cent collaboration never turned up either. And as for that record of duets with the dead Pope…
Not even a simple task like going on a stage and singing Thriller could be accomplished without Michael Jackson royally arseing thing up. So when we heard that Will.I.Am from The Black Eyed Peas was going to help out on a new Michael Jackson record – well,you'd forgive us for not taking it too seriously. But it looks like Will.I.Am really is going to be producing a new Michael Jackson album – he's told MTV about it and everything:
The album is due by the end of 2007 and Will. I.Am is excited about MJ's potential. "Man, he still sings like a bird," he said. "He could go anywhere. I think we have a real opportunity to do something here. It's either gonna be really big or nobody's gonna care. Ain't no middle ground on this one." The pair have been coming up with ideas for the album concept through regular phone chats and Will.I.Am says Jacko has even been picking his brain about using new internet technology to get his tunes out there.
It's lovely to see that not even one of the most in-demand producers around can be really certain that he can keep Michael Jackson off the Jesus Juice long enough to make a record that doesn't stink worse than a tramp's gonads, don't you think?