Climate change is possibly the single biggest threat to life on Earth at the moment, and something really substantial is needed to tackle the problem once and for all, so thank God that scientists have finally found the cure – it's Razorlight.
Razorlight are just one of the groups who'll be playing the UK leg of the global Live Earth concerts at Wembley Stadium in July, along with Madonna, Snow Patrol, Damien Rice, James Blunt, Keane, David Gray and all sorts of other bands hoping to raise awareness about climate change by all flying to London in carbon-spewing planes in order to consume vast amounts of electricity lighting and amplifying themselves for the benefit of tens of thousands of fans who'll also drive their gas-guzzling cars to London for the occasion, not to mention the billions of viewers at home who'll be urged to leave their televisions on all day just to see a bunch of sappy bands play turgid songs. We can't wait.
As much as Live 8 was a pointless exercise in self-promotion for a bunch of elderly bands with one eye on their CD sales, at least we could sort of see the point in it – at heart it was a free event to guilt the world's politicians, gathered at Gleneagles, into dropping third world debt with what basically amounted to a mass demonstration. True, it was a mass demonstration that The Stereophonics took part in – which sort of numbed the power of the message somewhat – but it was a demonstration nonetheless.
But Live Earth is a trickier proposition to comprehend. Back in February, after being buoyed by the success of his documentary An Inconvenient Truth, Al Gore announced the Live Earth concerts – a series of concerts around the world that would try and, uh, guilt, um, the sun, into, er, not melting the polar ice caps as fast as it has been. Or something. Anyway, today the initial line-up for the Wembley leg of Live Earth was announced, as BBC News reports:
Madonna, Genesis, James Blunt and the Red Hot Chili Peppers will be among the headliners at the London show of the global series of Live Earth concerts. They will be joined at Wembley Stadium by groups including Foo Fighters, Duran Duran, Snow Patrol and Razorlight. Live Earth will take place on 7 July across seven continents, as a way of highlighting climate change. The diverse line-up include rap group The Beastie Boys, singer-songwriters David Gray and Damien Rice, and R&B pianist John Legend. Black Eyed Peas, Bloc Party, Corinne Bailey Rae, Keane and Paolo Nutini complete the bill so far.
Tickets for Live Earth will be chosen via a lottery system that opens on Friday at noon. Each Live Earth ticket will costs £55, of which proceeds will be given to the Alliance For Climate Protection, The Climate Group and Stop Climate Chaos, who promise to use the funds to send people onto TV shows in order to hector the public about how bad it is to leave their TV sets on standby with even more crushing regularity than normal.
Seriously, unless the money spent on Live Earth tickets gets stapled together and is used to cover up the hole in the ozone layer, it's hard to see what the point of the concerts actually is. If the politically showboating Live Earth organisers stopped massaging their own egos for long enough, they'd see that staging the concerts actually will actually do the environment more harm than good.
But at least we can't fault the Live Earth performers – it's good to know that the people reminding us to save the environment include a man who owns his own mountain, a woman who throws away toilet seats every time she does a shit and a boy who keeps jetting backwards and forwards to America to spend time with his weird-toothed girlfriend.