James Blunt has written some really well-known songs, from You're Beautiful to… um… whatever the name of that song that sounded like a supermarket own-brand Tiny Dancer was.
But, despite writing one song that made him famous even though we've never met anyone who's admitted liking it, James Blunt is finding that fame is a fickle beast. So he's done what most of us would in a similar position. James Blunt has bought a mountain. In Spain. So he can live up it. Forever.
When James Blunt stopped perving at girls on the tube long enough to write You're Beautiful, he must have thought "Hooray! Now I can give up this rubbish life of being a soldier and become a universally-acclaimed singer songwriter." But things haven't gone his way at all. OK, so You're Beautiful still gets played roughly four gazillion times every day on every local radio station in the land, and it's earned him a lot of money, but there have been plenty of downsides, too.
"Now I'm famous, I can have sex with any girl I like," Blunt probably mumbled to himself in that ridiculous South Park voice of his as he watched his record climb the charts. But that backfired – instead of the string of supermodels and actresses, Blunt reportedly just manged to get a bunk-up with that women with the caved-in nose from I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Paul Weller said that he'd rather "eat" his "own shit" than duet with James Blunt. And everyone else just giggles because he's got the best rhyming slang surname since Rick Witter hung up his maracas.
And James Blunt has had enough of the taunts and the teasing – he's bought a Spanish mountain so that he can go and live with the donkeys instead. One of his relatives told The Sun:
"He's bought a mountain and a beautiful old house. He wants to get away from it all. He wants to live the rural dream – with only donkeys, chickens, pigs and ducks for company… He hopes to produce his own wine and olive oil while working on his second album."
Of course, only a cynic would suggest that James Blunt has bought the house, not because he's annoyed at all the negative media attention, but because he's spent the last few months like the rest of us, wondering how the hell he got lucky enough to get his collection of whiny songs to the top of the charts. But at least his second album is on the way, containing songs like I Bought A Mountain Because I Hate The Poor, Aren't You A Lovely Donkey? and This Felicity Kendall Lark Is A Bit Shit, I'm Going Back To London.
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[story by Stuart Heritage]
FMalacara says
Your a perv dude, I would understand you quoting him saying that crap about girls but its all
made up by you.
Darion Levine says
i really fucking hope not