The divorce between Madonna and Guy Ritchie must be profoundly upsetting for both of them, causing no end of misery and introspection and…
What’s that? Guy Ritchie might be having it off with an actress he hired to star in his new Sherlock Holmes movie? Well that didn’t take long. According to reports, Guy Ritchie and actress Kelly Reilly have been shacked up in the same hotel since October 18 – just three days after Madonna and Guy announced their divorce.
Not much is known about Kelly Reilly at the moment, but since she’s a) a redhead, b) British, c) an actress and d) young, it’s fair to assume that she’s everything Madonna will never be. In fact, reports claim that Kelly Reilly is almost 20 years younger than Madonna. If that’s the case – great work, Guy Ritchie! Kelly Reilly looks quite good for a 68-year-old!
We sincerely hoping you’re keeping up with all the movements in the Madonna/ Guy Ritchie divorce so far, because the pair of them appear to be whipping through the stages of divorce at an incredible rate. Even though the divorce was only announced just over a week ago, we’ve already seen the divorce lawyers shifted into place, the indiscriminate hurling of gristle-based insults and the mighty Madonna endorsement of Gwyneth Paltrow.
That would probably be enough as it is, but hold your horses. There’s one divorce stage missing here – the stage where Madonna and Guy Ritchie both quickly shack up with brand new rebound lovers and parade around in front of the other with them in a childish and embarrassing attempt to invoke feelings of envy. But give them time – before they can get to that stage, Madonna and Guy Ritchie will have to work through their complex feelings of loss and betrayal and…
What? They’re doing it already? Well jigger us silly.
Madonna, of course, has been seen out and about with Alex Rodriguez – the brainwashed athlete who calls Madonna his ‘fucking soulmate’ and skipped out of hospital to see Madonna about 10 seconds after his then-wife had given birth to his baby. But now it seems as if Guy Ritchie has got in on the act too.
According to reports, Guy Ritchie has allegedly moved on from his divorce by repeatedly sticking it to Kelly Reilly, a pretty young actress who just so happens to be starring in Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes movie. US Weekly reports:
A source tells Us Ritchie has already entered a relationship with British actress Kelly Reilly, who is starring in his upcoming drama Sherlock Holmes. On Oct. 18 – three days after he announced he and Madonna were divorcing – he sent his driver back to his $12 million home in London’s Marylebone district “very last-minute” to pack an overnight bag for a stay at a nearby Chatham hotel — where Reilly is residing.
OK, for the time being we’re going to take this report with a pinch of salt because there’s one thing that strikes us as fishy about it. Chatham.
Chatham is not the place for a romantic evening of physical lovemaking. A quick squalid WKD-fuelled two-pump bunk-up in the carpark between Toys R Us and PC World, perhaps, but not lovemaking. In fact, we’d even go as far as to say that nobody has ever ever ever ever ever considered Chatham to be anything other than a stinking chavpot that doubles as a production line for potential clueless Jeremy Kyle Show guests. Not even Guy Ritchie, in all of his potato-headed oafishness, would dare to consumate a relationship in somewhere as profoundly bleak and misery-soaked and flea-ridden as Chatham. Seriously, we’ve been there.
But anyway, if it is true then we can’t see this relationship between Guy Ritchie and Kelly Reilly working out. After seven and a half years together, Guy Ritchie will probably find it hard adjusting from the sinewy, muscular sex he enjoyed with Madonna, and we’re not sure that Kelly Reilly would be prepared to sellotape clumps of gristle onto her body to make up the difference just yet.
cris says
A truly vile article…don’t know why I even came to this site…bye!
Mithaearon says
Woohoo they are shagging in my home town, ahh the romance of it hehe