Ever since Lindsay Lohan decided to trade alleged drug abuse for alleged lesbianism, you have to admit that she’s been a bit of a snore.
It’s not so much Lindsay Lohan getting into trouble that we miss, rather the dazzling array of misinformation thumped out by a billion sources directly after Lindsay Lohan got into any trouble. What? You missed that too? Well this must be your lucky day.
You see, it’s been reported that Lindsay Lohan was hit by a motorbike in New York this weekend – reports backed up by the fact that the hospital she went to admitted someone called Lindsay Lohan on the night the accident took place. But Lindsay Lohan’s family and publicist are denying that anything happened at all.
Welcome back Lindsay. We’ve missed you.
Rehab has certainly worked out well for Lindsay Lohan. Before her string of DUI arrests caused her to seek help, Lindsay Lohan’s life was a mess of accidental nudity and bad films and the stink of booze and cigarettes and traffic accidents. But now things are completely different for her.
Now Lindsay Lohan’s life is a mess of deliberate nudity and no films and the stink of just cigarettes. But thanks to the motorbike scrape that Lindsay Lohan reportedly got into this weekend, at least she’s still keeping up the traffic accident quota.
According to reports, Lindsay Lohan was out on the town in New York on Saturday night when a motorbike clipped her outside a nightclub on 32nd Street.
While we assume that the driver of the motorbike caught a glimpse of Lindsay’s ginger hair, sharp teeth and oddly reflective eyes and drove into her deliberately, wrongly guessing that she was an urban fox out to eat someone’s baby, we’re pleased to report that nobody was seriously injured in the crash. Unless they were. Assuming the crash even happened in the first place. Here’s where it gets confusing.
You see, the reports say that Lindsay Lohan was taken to the Beth Israel Medical Centre for treatment after the crash. Well, the reports and the employee of the Beth Israel Medical Centre who confirmed to the New York Post that someone called Lindsay Lohan had been admitted on the night of the accident.
But that doesn’t mean that the accident actually happened, does it? Not if you’re Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay Lohan’s family or Lindsay Lohan’s publicist. The New York Daily News reports:
“Dina said it was just gossip. I don’t think that anything actually happened,” Lindsay’s father, Michael Lohan, said after speaking to his ex-wife, Dina, yesterday. “I asked her and she said it didn’t happen,” said Lindsay’s publicist, Leslie Sloane. “She says she wasn’t [at the hospital].” He added, “Dina said it’s a bunch of bull doodie.”
Interesting. So did it happen or was it bull doodie? Who the hell knows, frankly. But if you were Leslie Sloane, you’d deny it too, wouldn’t you. Ever since Lindsay Lohan stopped drinking, Sloane’s had nothing to deny at all – not like the good old days where she’d pass off what could have been Lindsay’s alcohol-fuelled collapses as everything from asthma to dehydration. She probably leapt on this one as fast as she could.
In fact, we don’t know why Leslie Sloane doesn’t just start denying everything that Lindsay Lohan ever does. It’d much more fun. Remember when Lindsay Lohan had sex in a toilet? Didn’t happen. Remember when Lindsay Lohan stole that woman’s coat? Didn’t happen. Remember when Lindsay Lohan was a well-respected actress rather than a dumbly monotonous tabloid fixture? Didn’t happen.
No really, that one didn’t actually happen.
Rob Delaney says
On a similar note, I read that your favourite monopod’s PR guru quit this weekend. Heather Mills Mucca McCartney didn’t appreciate being told she was not god, so the rumour goes.
Gee Hernandez says
Lesbianism’s a lot cooler and more fun that drugs any day! I don’t believe there’s anything alleged about Lindsay and Samantha. Thy look like a HOT item together. Besides, in these homophobic times, what young actress would fake being gay to gain popularity? Some people are bothered by the fact that some people are out & proud. Go Lindsay and Sam!!!!
David Scarborough says
I’m glad the motorbike is alright, I was worried there for a moment!