Kelly Clarkson – inaugural American Idol winner, star of multi award-winning box office tour de force From Kelly To Justin and performer of hits like Since U Been Gone and, um, probably some others – has just cancelled her American tour. Why? Well, Kelly Clarkson says that the pressure of touring is "just too much" for her, that's why. Oh, and she's sold pretty much zero tickets too. But don't worry, because Kelly Clarkson is bound to bounce back soon enough with that album that everyone from her record company hates so much.
Here in Britain, TV talent shows are generally regarded as a bit of a joke. When the 'stars' to emerge from shows like Pop Idol and X Factor number Gareth Gates, Shayne Ward and Leona Lewis – it's OK, you're right to not know who they are – it's hard to take it seriously. But in America it's a different thing entirely, and that's mostly down to Kelly Clarkson.
Kelly Clarkson, remember, was the first-ever winner of American Idol. Fans were hooked on her downhome country charm, powerhouse voice and the fact that she didn't look as much of a tit as that Sideshow Bob boy did. With the American Idol win – and that ropey movie – under her belt, the world was at Kelly Clarkson's feet allowing her to sell 10 million records worldwide. But something's changed.
Slowly, over the years the number of American Idol contestants who made an impression grew so large that some of Kelly Clarkson's unique selling points eroded. Jennifer Hudson won an Oscar for a film that wasn't a weak S Club 7 rip-off and Taylor Hicks stole away the psychologically-important 'incomprehensible and twitchy' crown from Kelly Clarkson. Sure, Kelly Clarkson had the mega-hit Since U Been Gone – that sounded kind of like The Strokes if The Strokes were slightly overweight talent show winners who made ruthlessly processed Swedish popsongs – but that obviously hasn't been enough, as Kelly Clarkson has had to just cancel her tour. Variety reports:
Kelly Clarkson's summer tour was canceled Thursday, and immediately, two sides of the story emerged: Clarkson said, "Touring is just too much right now"; the promoter said tickets weren't selling. "It is mind blowing when you stop to think about what Kelly Clarkson has achieved during her young career," said LiveNation CEO Michael Rapino. "But ticket sales have not been what we anticipated, and we came to the realization that we had bit off more than we could chew."
This is the exact thing that Kelly Clarkson didn't want to hear – next week Kelly Clarkson releases her new album My December, which has mainly been talked about because the head of her record label Clive Davis thought it was so awful that he wanted the whole thing scrapped. And if that wasn't enough, Kelly Clarkson recently fired her manager too.
So using basic celebrity maths we can see that bad album + cancelled tour + sacked manager = some sort of monumental Kelly Clarkson head-shaving wibbling meltdown in the next couple of months or so. But don't worry if that happens, because these talent show singers are ten a penny. And there's always the one who just won American Idol a couple of weeks ago to get behind instead.
No, we can't remember who they are, either.