Remember Gareth Gates? Sure you do – as well as being the runner-up in the first series of Pop Idol, Gareth Gates was also the subject of the joke about the boy who went to a shop for a Mars Bar and came out an hour later with 50 packs of M&Ms.
Most of us had happily filed Gareth Gates away with Bubble from Big Brother, the woman who had sex in a tree from Survivor and that constantly furious man from the first series of The Apprentice in a drawer marked 'reality show hasbeens'. But no! It takes more than not selling any copies of a ridiculously over-ambitious second (double) album, lurid stories about personal lives and generally being seen by everyone as a bit of a nobsack to kill Gareth Gates – as the new Gareth Gates documentary series is hoping to prove.
Gareth Gates shot to fame in 2002 thanks to Pop Idol and Simon Cowell. The image of the cherub-faced, spiky-haired boy only able to conquer his chronic stuttering by singing old Westlife songs at Dr Fox inspired deep love and deep nausea in equal measure. Such was the power of little stuttering Gareth Gates' appeal that he almost won the first series of Pop Idol, and only failed to because of an organised protest vote for his fellow Pop Idol finalist Will Young, even through he was a big-chinned drug-taking posho who wanted to be Jamiroquai more than anything else on earth. We've paid the price now – Will Young is properly famous – but imagine how bad things would be if Gareth Gates won.
As Pop Idol runner-up, Gareth Gates got to sing Unchained Melody – and sell 1.3 million copies of the single – before slipping away into obscurity thanks to a succession of dreadful cover versions, badly thought-out second albums and all sorts of tabloid headlines about sleeping with giganto-bazzered pikey model Jordan. Well, start forgetting that you ever forgot Gareth Gates – this time his comeback is real, and horribly ubiquitous-sounding. According to BBC News:
Pop Idol runner-up Gareth Gates is to feature in an ITV1 documentary about his short-lived spell in the spotlight as he prepares a comeback album… Gates said: "The past five years have been a rollercoaster. I hope this gives people a chance to see the real me… An ITV1 spokesman said: "This prime-time footage will show the impacts and consequences that fame thrusts upon artists hoping to survive successfully within the pressures of the music industry, and will also showcase some of Gareth's new music as he prepares to re-launch back into the spotlight to do what he loves most."
Can you see a pattern here? When Westlife were popular, Gareth Gates released a bunch of Westlife-sounding sounding, then his second album sounded like Justin Timberlake because it came out when Justin Timberlake was famous, then a McFly-style comeback was briefly discussed last year when everyone liked McFly, and now Gareth Gates is going to be a singer songwriter like James Blunt and Paulo Nutini and all those other dreadful wankers who are selling a lot of records at the moment.
Maybe, if we all group together and act quickly enough, we can send the constantly bandwagon-jumping Gareth Gates a bunch of memos telling him that the big sound of 2007 will be Sri Lankan bucketfart-hop and that he should push out an album as fast as he can. That way, at least this new Gareth Gates TV show will be vaguely interesting.
Read more:
Pop Idol star Gates eyes comeback – BBC
[story by Stuart Heritage]
Muganzi says
ohh no!!!!!
Cant some one lock up this stutter and throw away the key?
Julie says
Why the remark about Wills chin and his drug taking? Load of old bunkem!
Claire says
I’d always had my suspicions about Will’s habits.
emily says
Gareth Gates is gorgeous. He has charisma, sex appeal, youth and is tall dark and handsome and sings like an angel. He looks like a pop idol and should have won but there was some jiggery pokery going on that night. I tried all night long with thousands of others) to vote but couldn’t get through because all the lines were blocked.
In contrast Will Young is poncy, ugly, bald and has as much charisma and sex appeal as a bowl of cold porridge. Ugh.
Go Gareth. Love you, always will.
Emily
margaretreeve says
How sad it is, that there are “people” on this planet, who believe /feed into any rubbish they read. I t also appears that some of these aliens have been living on another plant. They sure are “out of touch with reality”. I met Gareth a few times and nice enough he appeared BUT ….the attributes highlighted as above,i.e. charisma,sex appeal but sadly did not mention all round TALENT are POSITIVELY DRIPPING off the GORGEOUS WILL YOUNG who has proven his WORTH a thousand times!! “jiggery pokery” tut,tut, such BAD losers!! Maggiexxx
Lilian says
Margaret – Anybody who thinks Will Young is GORGEOUS is obviously overdue a visit to specsavers. Will Young is UGLY and only a mother could think otherwise. When I hear the name Will Young I rush for the OFF switch as I can’t bear to see or listen to him. He is also overrated as a singer and entertainer. He is only average.
Lily
Charlene says
my my lilly, u just got urself into a load of trouble havent you now? will young IS gorgeous and the only reason you dont like him is cos ur so ugly and thick you know damn well you wouldnt have a chance at gettin anyone as good as him, he is amazing in and out of concert, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a mental retard.
jake is my one true love!!! says
i toltaly agrea wiv lily i cant beleive will won pop idol all the grannys were woting 4 him i guess but any way charlene ur obviously the retarted 1 if ya fink will is cute
scott from durham johnston says
he’s stupid y wud anyone lyk him he had rubbish songs n looks stupid