Here's some shocking and almost violently newsworthy information for you – Katie Holmes has got her wedding dress! We're so excited we can hardly breathe for imagining exactly what kind of wedding dress Katie Holmes owns!
Since Katie Holmes made a big fuss of staying a virgin before she got married, we wonder if her wedding dress will be white. Or maybe Tom Cruise wants Katie Holmes to wear a slightly more non-traditional colour to their wedding, like Tuscan Saffron – which will go with Tom's wedding tie; or Thetan Mint – the colour which is said to be most likely to inspire goodwill in the eyes of Xenu The Ever-Powerful.
OK – so the fact that Katie Holmes owns a wedding dress probably doesn't come as too much of a surprise. Because, if they were after a secretive private romance, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have done just about the shittiest job in the history of the universe. Let's face it, if jumping around on a couch saying how much you love a girl isn't signposting that you might get married to her one day, then loudly announcing that you proposed to her by the Eiffel tower and she said yes and then getting her pregnant and then giving birth to the baby in utter silence and selling pictures of it to a magazine and signing your wife up to a program called Buff Brides might raise people's suspicions that perhaps you were planning to get married.
And, if that wasn't enough, the fact that one of Tom Cruise's slaves said that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes would be married by early autumn was a bit of a hint. Since it pretty much is early autumn already, it's not the biggest of shocks to discover that Katie Holmes has got a wedding dress. That didn't stop her telling People, though:
Katie Holmes did a lot of shopping on her recent jaunt around Paris, but there's one item she has crossed off her list – a wedding gown. "I already have my dress," Holmes, who is engaged to Tom Cruise, told PEOPLE while touring the City of Light. That didn't stop her from finding plenty of other items to indulge in. The actress, along with pal Victoria Beckham, hit three fashion week shows and did some serious damage at the city's famous shops. "I've been shopping all day," Holmes told PEOPLE on Friday. "They have beautiful things for babies here."
Ah yes, Paris – the city of selling stuff for babies to wear that's quite nice. Anyway, dress or not, Katie Holmes needs to get in married to Tom Cruise as soon as she can so she can get herself some of that 'having a day named after you in Japan like Tom Cruise' action before the Japanese realise quite how dumb they're being.
Read more:
Katie Holmes: I Have My Wedding Dress – People
[story by Stuart Heritage]