Katie Holmes isn't a girl anymore. She's a woman, with a baby and a sort of convincing boyfriend. And, as a woman, Katie Holmes must only do womanly things from now on.
For one, Katie Holmes wants to just be known as Kate Holmes from now on. And also, Katie (Kate, whatever) has reportedly signed up to a terrifying-sounding regime called Buff Brides to get her in shape for her upcoming wedding to Tom Cruise.
Katie Holmes (or Kate Holmes, or OT 7,264, or whatever) only gave birth to Suri Cruise a couple of weeks ago and already she's thinking about regaining her figure. Oh well, you know what they say about placenta – a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.
It's not just petty vanity that's driving Katie Holmes to loose all the weight from her pregnancy, or a desire to get back in shape to continue her spellbinding movie career – ahem – but her upcoming wedding to furniture-leaping boyfriend Tom Cruise. And if it means joining a company called Buff Brides, then that's what she'll do.
Buff Brides is a service designed specifically to get women looking their very best ready for their wedding. And Tom Cruise doesn't do fat wives, regardless of whether they have just gone through one of the most traumatic experiences that the human body is capable of or not. Sue Fleming, Buff Brides boss, told the Mirror:
"Katie can and will do it… She has great motivation. She loves her fiance and was proud that Tom oversaw this programme. He told her he wanted her to be the most beautiful bride ever. She was in tears when he said that."
Was Katie Holmes in tears because she was overjoyed at Tom's show of devotion, or because a giant baby head had recently blasted her vagina wide open and exercise is bound to be extremely painful? Maybe we'll never know. But one thing's for sure: Katie's Dad isn't exactly thrilled about this whole Buff Brides thing. He told Reveal magazine:
"My daughter needs rest, relaxation and recuperation. Katie is already doing exercises to build up her back and shoulders and I simply can't go along with what's happening."
We wouldn't be surprised if Katie Holmes slims right down before the wedding. Forget Buff Brides – Tom Cruise still has that sonogram machine, so he'll be able to spot any sly cakes that Katie sneaks into her belly from a mile away.
[story by Stuart Heritage]