There's a chance that a proportion of you thought that Suri Cruise didn't actually exist, or if she did she looked a bit weird like Sloth from The Goonies. Well, eat your words naysayers! Suri Cruise is real, and there are photos to prove it!
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have finally made good on their promise not to keep Suri Cruise hidden away until she's a frail old women, and the front cover of the October issue of Vanity Fair shows Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise all posing for the camera. Oh, and you know those rumours that Suri Cruise looked like Tom Cruise? Weirdly enough, she does. To an almost horrific extent.
Rarely has anything in the world been disputed as heavily as the validity of Suri Cruise, the daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Sure, the national borders of the Middle East region has probably come closest, but still, nowhere near Suri Cruise levels. Even before Katie Holmes got pregnant – which was pretty impressive for someone who vowed to stay a virgin until she was married – nobody really believed that Tom Cruise's public wooing of Katie Holmes was for nothing more than publicity.
And then Katie Holmes got pregnant, had her silent birth and placenta buffet and then… nothing. Rival babies became famous by getting turned into waxworks and possibly getting beaten up, but all the Suri Cruise information came from a suspiciously filled-in birth certificate and a handful of carefully-picked Cruise friends like Penelope Cruz, the woman from The King Of Queens and David Beckham, who all seemed to robotically report that, yes, Suri Cruise was beautiful and real and looked like Tom Cruise.
But now – finally – Vanity Fair is putting a dirty great picture of Suri Cruise on its October edition so everyone can see for themselves that Suri Cruise is not only real, but looks – well – disappointingly like a normal baby that looks a bit like Tom Cruise. Vanity Fair says the pictures of Suri Cruise were shot in July by John Lennon photographer Annie Leibovitz, and they're accompanied by an interview with Suri Cruise's mother Katie Holmes, who seems to be using her tiny allowance of public speaking time to be as phenomenally angry as possible:
"It's really frustrating the amount of shit that's out there. And the stuff they say about Suri?! You shouldn't say that about us, and you can't say that about my child. To see how someone as caring and good as tom is – to see how things can just get so twisted and turned around – I mean, where does it come from?… All this craziness began. This 'Where is Suri?' controversy. Tom and I looked at each other and said, 'What's going on?' We weren't trying to hide anything."
Yeah! How dare
we you! But at least now everyone has seen for themselves that Suri Cruise is a real baby, so Katie Holmes can go back to being the vaguely anonymous woman from Dawson's Creek and nothing else. Now all Suri needs to do is get sued by a stuntman with a burnt willy and sacked by a very old man and we'll really know she's her father's daughter.
[story by Stuart Heritage]