Jessica Simpson isn't just a bumbling, stupid-mouthed, manjawed, divorced reality TV dingbat, you know. Jessica Simpson is actually a bumbling, stupid-mouthed, manjawed divorced reality TV dingbat who sometimes sings a bit.
Every know and again, God sends a song down from heaven on a golden cloud and into Jessica Simpson's lungs, ready for her to beautifully exhale it back to the world. Only, last time this happened, there was a bit of a mix-up and God accidentally sent down Holiday by Madonna instead. Jessica Simpson covered it all up by renaming the song A Public Affair, and she would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for a badly-timed bout of laryngitis which has decimated Jessica Simpson's publicity push and disappointed the three weirdos that actually like Jessica Simpson for her music.
Jessica Simpson, believe it or not, was originally a singer. All that other stuff, like failing to star in Dallas or failing to become a Bond Girl or having her creepo Dad enthuse a little too hard about her tits came from singing. Well, OK, it came from that awful MTV Newlyweds reality TV show, but that came from singing. We think. Look, sometimes Jessica Simpson sings, OK?
And the great thing about Jessica Simpson's music is that it never fails to reflect the state of her personal life at the time of release. Back when she was just a pop moppet who looked a bit like Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson released Irresistible – I might look like all the rest, it said, but eventually you'll all fall under my big-jawed spell. Then, when Jessica Simpson was happily sucking up the MTV millions while exploiting her marriage, there was With You, a nauseating paean to then-husband Nick Lachey. And then, when Jessica Simpson may or may not have been having it off with everyone from Jackass, there was the vixenish – ie really dreadful – These Boots Are Made For Walking.
Following Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey's split, Nick got in on the act too, all but calling his new single Boo Hoo My Wife Left Me, and now Jessica Simpson has hit back with A Public Affair. Although musically A Public Affair by Jessica Simpson is to Madonna what your local Alabama Star Fried Chicken kebab house is to KFC, it does have the word 'affair' in the title. What could it all mean? Oh, who cares, Jessica Simpson's throat is too knackered to sing it anyway.
Jessica Simpson has been stuck down with a bruised vocal chord, which means that most of her promotional push for A Public Affair has hit the skids. A live concert at the New York Rockafeller Plaza has been rescheduled, as has a spot on David Letterman, and a performance on MTV TRL has now been downgraded to a 'chat'. And Jessica Simpson's slave Rob Shuter is spitting feathers:
"Jessica has lost her voice on the eve of her album release. We hope she can recover. The timing could not have been worse."
You read that? They only hope that Jessica Simpson's sore throat will recover. Because doctors say it might not. A source told People:
"If she does not observe vocal rest, she could lose her voice forever. Her party is (Tuesday) night. If she goes to the party, she won't be able to talk."
We know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourselves.
Jessica Simpson loses her voice – People
[story by Stuart Heritage]
Who ever wrote this article about Jessica Simpson is a Dingbat blonde. RIGHT ON!!!! I don’t think she’s a good singer. Her
voice is like a DUCK to me when I heard her sing the “WHOLE NEW WORLD” w/ Nick Lachey on the Aladdin’s DVD edition.
Nick Lachey is better singer and its a good thing that he’s trying to cover his ex-wife’s voice so they won’t hear her DUCKY
God incarnate, flippin NEO says
that’s awesome. you forgot to mention that she’s up there in the league of Judith Light. its masterfully wonderlicious. now jessica alba, that’s a real story…
cassandra hawkes says
your very beautiful and i wish i looked more like you. can you reply and give me some tips on how you keep yourself so pretty. PLEASE.
Hairy Barker says
I think all the girls that hate Jessica are just jealous because she is so freakin hot looking. Most guys don’t really care if she is stupid. They just want to see her naked. She makes my pants go crazy!!!!!
JE VOUS AIME
je vous adore
ted bundy says
hi i am here for one reson and that is becouse you have big ears and i dont alot of people know that so if you all look up big ears on google then you will all see your big ears and ps. i hate you all you jerks you all have big ears a like to go the bathroom alot it kinda funny but i heta you all
Dont hate says
Just because you are jealous doesn’t mean you have to hate on Jessica! She is gorgeous and brilliant! She has the whole world wrapped around her pretty, manicured finger! And look, even the people who say they don’t like her are sitting around talking about her! And I bet you all secretly wish you could sing even half as good as she does!
shit,i don’t care about all girls that hate jessica simpson because they are jealous and they want to be so hot like jessica simpson, jessica alba is ho to but all girls want to have a body like her
i f i know her i try to f…ck her, so f…ck you bitches, you can s…ck my d…ck, like that bitch-i am portuguese so, fuck you, and don’t waste time reading this shit,…every things i wrote is becau se i am jessica simpson||no I’m just kidding ,but i want to f…ck her, so jessica if you read this message come to my home, i’m ready.
I live in portugal, come visit me. |NOTE:I have a big Dick||NOTE 2:I’m Horny|bye bitches, and suck my dick you dumbass!!!!Come visit me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bill Bolin says
Jessica Simpson, dumb? Yep, dumb like a fox. Not only is she beautiful, she’s managed to turn her looks and talent into a thriving business. To everyone that puts her down I’d like to ask, what have you done with your life?