Jessica Simpson The New Bond Girl?
Then buzz it up
December 23rd, 2005 at 14:30 by Stuart Heritage
Scarlett, Angelina and Charlize have now all turned down the chance to be the new Bond Girl. So the Bond producers are trying something new: forget getting a good actress - they want Jessica Simpson.
At first, Jessica Simpson as a Bond Girl sounds like terrible news, but let’s look on the bright side. Jessica will be cheaper, leaving more money to spend on invisible cars and space lasers and stuff. And Jessica Simpson and Daniel Craig will be able to relax in between takes by having competitions to see who has the most manly jawline.
Earlier this month, we said:
All manner of actresses have seen their names attached to the vacant Bond Girl role in Casino Royale -
some were wishful thinking on the studio’s part, and others were punted
about by lame-o actresses desperate for work.
And now that all the wishful thinking is over - Scarlett Johansson, Angelina Jolie, Sienna
Miller and Charlize Theron have all turned James Bond down - it’s time to start digging out the more realistic lame-o choices.
It’s not
hard to see why no self-respecting actress wants to be the Bond Girl in Casino Royale - historically, Bond Girls are nothing more than vaguely misogynistic objectified sketches of women. So it’s not hard to see why Jessica Simpson (DVDs) has suddenly entered the frame.
Jessica Simpson - basically a walking, grinning pair of bleach blonde tits - is the latest name to be bandied around by James Bond insiders. The Sun reported one of them as saying:
"She is sexy, blonde and seductive, so she could be perfect."
Which is James Bond insider code for saying that a) she’s cheap, b) she’s so desperate for constant attention that she’s fairly unlikely to turn down the role and c) they hear she’s quite easy.
Not that any of that bothers us, though. What worries us is that the Bond producers will let Jessica Simpson yelp and hiccup her way through the Casino Royale theme-tune.
Read more:
Jessica Simpson to save Bond? - National Ledger
[story by Stuart Heritage]
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December 27th, 2005 at 4:25 pm
I think those people directing the movie are soooo rude!!!!… Jessica Simpson is not just another piece of meat!!!!… Jessica Simpson is very talented, and is honest!!!!…. and how dare u people use her at this rough time in her life!!!!… and calling her cheap, and that she is only good for her “bleach blonde tits”….!!!! u sickin` me!!!!… Use someone like britney spears…she’ll fit in ur way of looking at things… but back off Jessica… I hope she does not take that movie role!!!!…. she does not need to represent someone like u!!!!… u gross people!!!
December 28th, 2005 at 8:20 pm
Jessica Simpson talented? Shoot, I’m an engineer and I can tell the recording people are using a harmonic generator on her voice to make her sound good!!!
Jessica can’t act… that’s been proven… OK, she can act better than Vanna White …. but Simpson wasn’t in “Dukes of Hazzard” because of her acting ability.
Her life and her sister’s life are nothing more than trailer trash spoiled girls…..
December 29th, 2005 at 10:01 am
I cant believe you would say such mean stuff like that about Jessica Simpson I mean its not like it her fault that shes really beautiful even though she is a great, talented actress and singer wheather shes beautiful or not and i just dont understand why you would say that about Jessica Simpson because what you said doesnt even fit her because I own the dukes of hazzard and I think she played great as Daisy Duke compared to what you thinkthe she played in it. And if u wanted her to play in the movie i dont understand why you would say that stuff about her like that.So I think you should be a little be more nice on her after what shes been through if you would want her to take that part but if you want to talk like that about somebody then do it to someone else because Jessica Simpsons not you r little toy and do whatever you because if she wanted to she could just back down from this because of the way your talking about her.but i dont know why you would say that because shes a wonderful and great person so just dont ever talk like that about her again because im sure that you will regret it.
January 4th, 2006 at 5:26 am
hey jessica will you add me to your msn meesenger
January 13th, 2006 at 7:50 am
I find this article offensive and horribly rude. The author is obviously a disgusting human being who is jelous of Jessica because she has a real talent and he can’t do anything except write a sleeze column
January 24th, 2006 at 2:26 am
ya really y would u say that i love jessica s and she is going thourgh alot right now and she is a inserpiation to girls and i love her and she is the best your the best jessica!
January 24th, 2006 at 12:49 pm
Stuart, I agree totally with you. John Haynes, go back to school and learn some writing tips, like punctuation.
Stuart, eres el mejor
February 5th, 2006 at 12:33 am
This article is repulsive. I can not understand why this writer has to be so rude and hateful. He is just ugly.
November 15th, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Jessica Is freakn HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!