Oh, who are we kidding? It’s just about the least surprising news you’re ever going to read. Still, at least there’s scope for a new reality TV series in all of this: Nick And Jessica – The Petty Bitter Divorcees.
It was always going to be a matter of time before Nick Lachey and
Jessica Simpson (DVDs) officially split up: rumours have been circulating all
year about trouble in their cosy little newlywedded paradise. Earlier
in the year, it was rumoured that Jessica Simpson had done the boinky-boink with pretty much the entire cast of Jackass,
while Nick Lachey had apparent indiscretions of his own. But at the time, Jessica’s
Dad Joe said that they wouldn’t split, and minor imperfections were just part of a happy marriage:
"Do they fight? Hell yes, they fight. Have there been moments when Nick
has wanted to leave Jessica or Jess has wanted to leave Nick?
Absolutely. Same with me and my wife. If
fighting is a sign of divorce, then we’re all going to get divorced. My
wife and I have been married 27 years. We’ve been at the edge of
divorce for 26 of them."
And then last month US Weekly magazine yelled out the word "SPLIT!"
from it’s front cover – something that Nick and Jessica quickly denied.
There was no split, they were as happy as could be, and they didn’t care who they told.
But 50 days and one resigned publicist later, and everything has changed – the split became terrifyingly official. Nick and Jessica put out this statement yesterday:
"After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration,
we have decided to part ways. This is the mutual
decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and
admiration for each other. We hope that you respect our privacy during
this difficult time."
So it’s really over. But don’t be sad. Jessica Simpson still has her film career, her giant orange jaw and her tits. And Nick? Well, Nick has… um…
[story by Stuart Heritage]