Celebrity Big Brother never used to be relevant or exciting. It was always just a pointless excuse for Channel 4 to stuff its schedule with as many spin-off shows on as possible and let Davina McCall go on telly in something other than adverts for her own hair.
But when Jade Goody decided that the only way she could win the hearts of the British public was to go on Celebrity Big Brother and rip into a millionaire for being brown, Celebrity Big Brother became a terrifying glimpse into the mind of a deeply unstable racist that caused everyone in India to literally set fire to a homemade effigy of Jade Goody. And now Jade Goody has decided to go to India. Uh-ohhhh!
We're all used to reading about how Celebrity Big Brother is a drain on society’s values. But during the last series of Celebrity Big Brother, things got ugly – and we're not referring to Jade Goody’s appearance, either. Usually people go inside the Celebrity Big Brother house, do a few stupid challenges and fuck off back to the outside world to cash in on their life-changing experience. This time, though, Jade Goody uttered a few racist slurs with comedy sidekicks Jo O’Meara and Danielle Lloyd and everything went to hell.
While Bollywood princess Shilpa Shetty eventually rose above the insults, won Celebrity Big Brother, decided that she wanted a new boyfriend and went to the House Of Commons to find one, the racist Celebrity Big Brother housemates received a completely different reaction. Jo O'Meara went mental, Danielle Lloyd got dumped by her elderly footballer boyfriend and Jade Goody… well, you haven't met anyone who smells like Jade Goody lately, have you?
So, after pissing off the entire population of India to such an extent that we had to send a politician over to calm everyone down, Jade Goody appeared to be teetering on the edge of some kind of a mental breakdown, albeit a mental breakdown that conveniently allowed her to squeeze in a handful of magazine and TV interviews. Pah – call that a breakdown? Come back with a shaved head and then we'll talk. Despite Jade's piss-poor apologies, the Indian government seemed to initially ban her from visiting the country. Bad news for us, as it seemed that we were stuck the gobby cow forever.
However, things look like they’ve changed. Jade Goody has flown over to India and she told the BBC:
"I'm here on a private visit, that's really all I can say at the moment."
Definitely not a cheap PR gimmick to show that she vaguely wants to learn about Indian culture in order to make people buy her perfume again, then. Maybe Jade will be shocked to see that Indian woman don’t sick up their food to stay thin after all.
And maybe Jade’s visit will do everyone some good. Hopefully she’ll be so inspired by her visit that she’ll shack up in India forever and not bother the British public again. Hey, maybe Peaches Geldof fancies a trip to India, too…
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Ro-Ler says
I wonder what it is exactly that Jade Goody is learning in India? Aside from new words to call brown people, clearly