As regular readers of hecklerspray know, we're all big Pete Doherty fans here. Such big fans, in fact, that the thought of a Pete Doherty mini-me fills us with the kind of excitement that only news about babies fathered by recovering junkies can provide.
So just imagine how happy we are today to hear that Kate Moss is pregnant with Pete Doherty's baby. Well, it's a provisional happiness, anyway, because there's been no official confirmation that Kate Moss is pregnant with anything yet. In fact, all we've got to go on is a quote by a man who says he's Pete Doherty's uncle. But still, the thought of some form of enforced maternity/paternity leave for Pete Doherty and Kate Moss can't help but raise at least a little smile.
There's a lot of trumpeting today about the fact that Kate Moss was seen wearing a ring that may very well be a wedding ring. "Is Kate Moss going to get married to Pete Doherty?" is the question on everyone's lips. And the answer to that "Yes she is you massive div." Kate Moss and Pete Doherty wedding rumours have been flying round for months now, with even Pete Doherty admitting it himself. But there's a bigger story at hand – the one about Pete Doherty impregnating Kate Moss with his smelly porkpie hat-wearing sperm. According to Sky, this is what Pete Doherty's uncle Phil has said on the matter:
"I have spoken to Pete twice about the baby and he has confirmed that Kate is pregnant. They are both delighted and Pete sounded really excited. Now we are just waiting to hear about the wedding."
Heartwarming, isn't it? We'll be sure to find out how pregnant Kate Moss is in a few weeks, since even a partially-fertilised foetus would triple her usual body weight. Let this be a lesson for any of you wannabe casanovas who have their eyes on an internet-breaking supermodel like Kate Moss – girls like nothing more than pasty-faced men who scribble on the insides of cars, make weird comparisons between the girl and Afghanistan and then squirt syringe blood over everyone before pretending to be dead.
Flowers and chocolates? Get with the program, losers.
[story by Stuart Heritage]