Ah, the world of cultural commentary is a fickle old business.
What, for example, would we do without sixth-form-favourite Junkie boy Pete Doherty? As much as he annoys people – and, by the scented beard of Christ, he really really does – even we can't deny that his absolute screaming ineptitude and piss-poor social conduct keeps us forever gripped (and annoyed) like a particularly bewildering episode of Lost.
Yesterday we told you all about Pete Doherty and his wacky blood-squirting antics, wherein the shit-for-brains talentvoid thought it would be dreadfully funny to spray a camera crew with a vial full of his own red lifejuice. And – let's be honest – getting sprayed by Pete Doherty's blood is kind of like wading barefoot into your local canal. You're really not sure what you're going to get.
But this isn't the only comedic gold that Pete Doherty has been busy mining. Oh no. He's got literally hundreds of thoroughly beezer japes hidden up his self-obsessed sleeve.
Like pretending to have overdosed and died.
In front of his friends.
And then getting up ten minutes later and laughing at them.
According to Doherty's tour manager:
"He sometimes pretends to overdose
and lies there for 10 minutes, and then he laughs and thinks it is funny. It
isn't."
Hecklerspray isn't sure what would be the most annoying – the fact that Doherty has just wasted a sizeable chunk of your valuable time, or the fact that he had briefly raised your hopes that he had finally taken one arm-needle to many and mercifully pissed off to that great Public School in the sky.
As well as all this charming oh-look-I'm-dead-whoops-no-I'm-not malarkey, it has also been revealed that Pete – who is, like, the voice of a generation and really really clever and poetic and daring and, like, everything – enjoys taking advantage of his less cerebral (i.e stupid) fans by dragging them in to do his menial chores.
One fan was apparently enlisted to clean up his hideous East London flat – which, considering a recent Word article described the place as having a carpet littered with hypodermic syringes, possibly isn't the safest task in the world. Another Doherty-worshipping dimwit was reportedly dragged in to sort out Pete's road tax.
Worst of all… one poor fool willingly agreed to wash Doherty's laundry. An idea, we're sure you'll agree, roughly about as appealing as sticking two pencils up your nose and then ramming your head down onto a nice sturdy desk.
Which – interestingly enough – would make for a totally hilarious practical joke.
Hey, Pete! Why not give it a go?
Please.
Read More:
Pete Doherty In Death Joke – Female First
[story by C J Davies]
jim says
PETE DOHERTY IS A ROCK GOD NO MATTER WHAT FUCKING SCANDALS HE’S BEEN INVOLVED IN BITHES!! THE LIBERTINES AND BABYSHAMBLES ARE THE GREATEST BANDS TO COME OUT OF ENGLAND SINCE THE BEATLES BUT YOU LOSERS WITH NO LIFES PROBABLY WOULDN’T KNOW THAT SINCE YOU HAVE NO TASTE IN MUSIC…HIP HOP HOMOS OR WHATEVER YOU ARE!! PETE DOHERTY IS A LIVING LEGEND AND NO ONE CAN DENY THAT!!
CJDavies says
Well. That certainly told us.