The fatherhood of Mel B's baby has been a hot topic ever since she announced that some dude had totally knocked her up – Mel B herself has long pointed the finger at Eddie Murphy, and today we begin the process of finding out if she's right.
Ever since their colossally boneheaded romance inevitably died a messy death, Mel B and Eddie Murphy have been playing a game of cat and mouse with each other over the paternity of Mel B's daughter Angel Iris – and today Eddie Murphy has been ordered to court to turn over samples of his DNA so everyone can put an end to this whole sorry saga. Soon enough we'll all realise that either Mel B was lying all along and the baby isn't Eddie Murphy's, or that Eddie Murphy really is the father of Angel Iris – in which case we're going to barricade ourselves in the cellar because the existence of a half Scary Spice/ half Norbit baby probably signifies the fulfilment of some horrific biblical prophecy or other.
When Mel B and Eddie Murphy got together, it was a romance made in – well, probably not heaven, more like a factory for blazingly unsuited couples who even cloth-eared yokels realise won't last for very long. But that didn't stop Mel B and Eddie Murphy – a round of comically misguided tattooing was followed up by the world's fastest-ever knocking up. Already that's pretty Jeremy Kyle, but nowhere near as Jeremy Kyle as things were about to get.
Before Mel B had even had chance to show Eddie Murphy the colour charts for the new nursery room, Eddie was on TV claiming that he dumped Mel because the baby wasn't his. From thereon in, everything was a blur – Mel B hired lawyers and needed the police to rescue her from angry Beverly Hills Cop fans, while Eddie Murphy refused to come to England because he wrongly thought everyone here liked Mel B, and everything looked set for an almighty DNA bitchfight that'd dwarf even Anna Nicole Smith's.
But then nothing happened. Mel B gave her baby Eddie Murphy's name to try and provoke a reaction, but it didn't work. Finally it took the threat of a lawsuit to snap Eddie Murphy into action, and that's why today Eddie Murphy has been ordered to a US court to hand over six pints or DNA to see if the baby can drink it all. At least that's how we were told DNA tests work. Anyway, Metro reports:
A insider said: "If he tried to duck out of the test there will be hell to pay. This isn't just another girlfriend he is messing around, this is his own flesh and blood. Mel knows the baby is Eddie's and can't believe it has got to this point where she has to force him to acknowledge there is a chance he could be the father. At least this way they will know officially whether Eddie is the daddy or not and move on from there. This isn't about the money, it's about Angel knowing for sure who her dad is."
So it looks like we'll all soon know if Eddie Murphy is the father of Mel B's daughter or not, putting an end to the greatest paternity mystery since, oooh, the last one. But will nobody think of Angel Iris? Being tested for DNA at such a young age in the glare of the media spotlight will no doubt cause the baby untold damage. That's why hecklerspray has come up with a less intrusive way for Mel B to discover if Eddie Murphy is the father of her child or not – all the court needs to do is sit Angel Iris down and tell her that she hasn't won an award. If Angel Iris has a gigantic embarrassing spaz-out and strops off, then she's definitely Eddie Murphy's little girl.
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