We thought that since we had little speed boats installed for our sperms to travel in we'd have been first to the egg for sure. Our Hong Kong $15 back-alley doctor must have accidentally put in tiny rowboats or something, because apparently Birkhead's minions flew right past ours. And past those other 20 guys'. Still, at the time we'd been so sure – sure enough to paint the inside of our neighbour's abandoned refrigerator pink. We heard infant girls like sleeping in such reassuring, warm colours.
That pink refrigerator may play host to a sleeping baby yet – because Scary Spice's new child's paternity is still up in the air. Scary doesn't think so though, she's sure it's Eddie Murphy's child – that's why she just gave the baby Murphy's last name. What she's not aware of is that nine months before her baby was born we hypodermically injected Murphy with 12 fluid ounces of hecklersperm. That's right, we said 12 ounces.
Because we were trying desperately to get financially entangled with money like that.
As everyone already knows, Mel Brown had her baby not too long ago – the same baby Eddie Murphy says his man-spear had nothing to do with. It's a shame things between them had to turn so ugly. It wasn't so long ago they were frolicking about getting matching tattoos together, and now it's probably come down to courtroom DNA testing.
As far as we know no swabs have been taken yet, but Brown doesn't think she needs it. She's confident enough she just gave her baby the name Angel Iris Murphy Brown. Using the same logic as Mel B, one could also deduce that the child is Candice Bergen's – now that's juicy! We've even heard recently that it's a scientifically plausible scenario.
Scary gives this reasoning for the child's name:
"Angel, as she was my little angel through my pregnancy. Iris, as it's my grandma's name. Murphy, because he's the dad. And Brown, because I'm the mum!"
Mel goes on about her baby:
"I look at the baby and she has his big smile and dimples. She's gorgeous. She has taken the best bits of both of us. He will always be a part of my life. I will always love him. I couldn't hate Eddie. We had a dream life."
She really sounds attached to Murphy. The three weeks they dated must have been incredible.