Form an orderly queue, ladies – goonish, fake-titted, wonky-eyed goth rocker Marilyn Manson is single and back on the market again after Dita Von Teese, his wife of one whole year, decided to file for divorce from the hardly-spooky shouty clown.
While it's undeniably sad that Marilyn Manson and Dita Von Teese are divorcing, it shouldn't come as too much of shock because, frankly, living with either of them looks like it'd be a bit of a headache. But divorcing they are, with sources close to Dita Von Teese are saying the divorce came about because Marilyn Manson just had too many demons for her to cope with. Marilyn Manson himself is keeping quiet on the matter, but it's hoped that all the angst and rage that he feels about the divorce will be poured into his brand new album, provisionally entitled Boo Hoo Hoo, My Fairy Princess Has Left Me With Nobody To Cuddle.
That Marilyn Manson, eh? He's such a crazy guy isn't he? And intelligent too – that album cover that he appeared on wearing a pair of fake boobs, that was such a devastating attack on how, like, society is, you know, messed up and stuff. And the way that Marilyn Manson sometimes wears contact lenses to make his eyes look weird? Man, does that ever teach the government.
The level and scope of Marilyn Manson's subversive craziness can be best typified by his wedding to Dita Von Teese in December 2005 – where Marilyn Mason outraged the elderly by having the grandchildren of Adolf Hitler's architect do the lighting and intelligently subverted the norms of institutional hierarchies by having a best man and a worst man. Take that, society! Time will tell if Lewis Caroll fan Marilyn Manson is planning something equally stupid for his divorce party, but he'd better get a move on because his wife Dita Von Teese has already filed for divorce if reports are to be believed, like this one from E! Online:
Dita Von Teese has had enough of starring in Marilyn Manson's dope show. The burlesque dancer has filed for divorce from her shock rocker husband of one year, citing irreconcilable differences as the reason for the split, according to court documents obtained by E! News. Her petition, filed Dec. 29 in Los Angeles Superior Court, listed Dec. 24 as the date of the couple's official separation.
The shock divorce is thought to have stemmed from Marilyn Manson's uncontrollable demons, with some sources suggesting that Dita had filed for divorce after she moved out of Marilyn's house and he didn't even notice that she'd gone. Now that Marilyn Manson and Dita Von Teese are divorcing, though, it might be the only time that they're ever going to be in the same gang as Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, Paul McCartney and Heather Mills and Reese Witherspoon and whatever her husband was called.
No doubt that Marilyn Manson will put a controversial spin on events and say that he's subverting the realities of the institution of marriage by destroying his own within a year. But let's hope he doesn't, because that Australian Lost girl's marriage only lasted six months, which would make her twice as punk rock as Marilyn Manson by our calculations.