We think we've finally worked out how David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear in 1983 – there's a chance he did it via a tricky combination of raping it, beating it up and then paying it $2 million to go away.
That's just a theory, mind you, and we're far too lazy to look on Wikipedia and see that he just did it with clever camera angles or something. We wouldn't want to get, say, a grand jury to investigate it. But when a real-life woman who isn't made of copper or 151 feet tall says that David Copperfield raped her, beat her and tried to pay her $2 million to shut up, grand juries are all over it. Following more revelations about David Copperfield's supposed July rape of an unidentified woman in the Bahamas, a federal grand jury in Seattle has launched an investigation into the claims. So by the time it's over we'll all be able to know if David Copperfield is a creepy rapist or just a good old-fashioned creepy magician, of which there are many.
David Copperfield used to be a friend to the law, and his ability to dumbfound muggers with magic should have brought him enough goodwill with the police to last him a lifetime. But, to be fair, allegations that you took a young woman to your sinister private island then raped her, beat her up and tried to pay her off with $2 million does tend to eat through goodwill quite quickly, even if nothing's been proved yet. And as luck would have it, that's almost completely identical to what David Copperfield is being accused of at the moment. Back when David Copperfield was first branded as a rapist by an unidentified Seattle woman, there was very little to go on – we knew a rape claim had been made against him, that he is strongly denying, and that the FBI had raided his warehouse and taken a hard drive, camera memory stick and a stack of money, but that was about it.
Now, though, it's been revealed that a federal grand jury is investigating the claim to discover if there's enough evidence to warrant a trial. And that means details of the claims of alleged rape are starting to come out which, if true, cast David Copperfield in a worse light than ever before. And that's a big achievement for anyone who's ever seen David Copperfield wistfully looking at a falcon in a semi-recumbent position wearing a lesbian's sweater and a hideous mullet at the start of his famous 1992 flying illusion. Anyway, it all apparently started when David Copperfield is said to have invited the woman to his private island in the Bahamas, as The Seattle Times reports:
She told investigators Copperfield assured her that there would be other guests at the 150-acre resort, which is restricted to a maximum of 24 guests and rents for up to $50,000 a night. From Nassau, the retreat is accessible only by charter plane and then private boat. When the woman, 21, made the trip in late July — after exchanging e-mails with Copperfield, 51 — she found herself the only guest on the island with him, she told investigators. She has told Seattle police, and later the FBI, that Copperfield raped and struck her during her two days on the island, said sources familiar with her allegations. She said that, afterward, Copperfield threatened her, telling her she'd better keep quiet.
David Copperfield's getting it from all angles at the moment. Not only is the FBI apparently taking this claim very seriously – it's thought that the alleged victim went immediately to a sexual assault centre for tests after flying back to mainland America – but David Copperfield is also getting sued for pulling out of a forthcoming Southeast Asia tour. While it should be pointed out that it's down to the grand jury to decide if there's even enough evidence for David Copperfield to go to court over these claims, it's still a perilous situation for Copperfield.
But, hey, David Copperfield is a magician, and being a magician is all about self-confidence and unshakable self-belief in your own abilities – traits which he'll need should this rape claim go any further. Being a magician is also all about pulling a long line of multicoloured handkerchiefs out of a man's pockets, although that might be slightly less relevant in this situation.
Read more:
Grand Jury Investigates Copperfield Allegations – Seattle Times
Sonia Blooms says
Seems that David did make the rape allegations disappear. A new form of creepy powers?
zippy dippy says
…a falcon in a semi-recumbent position wearing a lesbian’s sweater and a hideous mullet…
Where is it? I want to see it!
Sherry says
Here you go, mate:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wChk5nY3Kzg