David Copperfield is a mystical man who can simply click his fingers and make landmarks disappear or supermodels want to sleep with him – but David Copperfield has discovered that he can't magic away angry Asian concert promoters.
David Copperfield had been planning to tour Southeast Asia, right up until the FBI raided his warehouse because a Seattle woman accused him of rape. Now – possibly because he fears any legitimate dalliances with dirt-cheap Thai ladyboy prostitutes will be skewed by the media to look like more rape – David Copperfield has cancelled his Asian tour, outraging promoters in the process. Two companies are now suing David Copperfield for several million dollars following his sudden cancellation and – to make matters worse – they want David Copperfield to pay them in cash by pulling the full amount of compensation out from behind their ears again and again like some sort of creepy magical old uncle or something.
It's weird to think that David Copperfield is one of the highest-earning celebrities in the world, because had we known how lucrative magic is, we'd have skipped school more to teach ourselves how to dangle from a wire and pull an array of creepy faces as kids. But the fact remains that when David Copperfield performs magic, people go crazy to see it. And that's something that not even a rape accusation seems to be able to stop.
David Copperfield has been accused of rape by an anonymous Seattle women he apparently met in the Bahamas. And, although David Copperfield denies being a rapist, the FBI has raided his warehouse and taken a camera's memory stick and a hard drive along with $2 million in cash as part of its investigation into the claim anyway. What's more, David Copperfield has also cancelled a tour of Thailand, Singapore, Malaysia and Indonesia he'd been planning; a bad move, because now the promoters of the cancelled shows are out of pocket and on the warpath, as the Daily Dish reports:
The 51-year-old was due to perform in Thailand, Indonesia, Malaysia and Singapore in the coming weeks, but canceled on Sunday. And now promoters at Viva Art International Limited and MAZ Concerts Inc. have filed a civil lawsuit in the Superior Court of Los Angeles County for breach of contract. Viva and MAZ bosses have demanded the return of several million dollars that were paid into an escrow account for Copperfield's performance in Southeast Asia. Copperfield has reportedly refused to return any portion of the sum.
As much as all this is just adding to the stress that David Copperfield must be under – if he's found guilty of rape then both his career and personal life will be in tatters, and now he has to deal with a lawsuit too – you can't really blame the promoters for suing David Copperfield. As well as the suspect ethics of getting paid to do shows he had no intention of playing and then refusing to return the money, David Copperfield's cancellation is also a fundamental slight on an entire global region. By not going to Southeast Asia, you see, David Copperfield is effectively saying that he wouldn't even consider the possibility of allegedly forcing himself on any Southeast Asian women. As far as we're concerned, that's just racist.
Read more:
Gino Green Global says
Idiot. It’s not smart to cancel contract when they know you’re a millionaire. >_
Christopher says
OMG[osh] You people are FULL CONTACT RETARDS! I almost choked reading this. Oh God bless you. I haven’t laughed this hard since the LAST time i viewed Hecklerspray. You really are brilliant all.