David Copperfield was already doing a pretty good job of being the world's creepiest man before he was accused of rape – but now it's happened, David Copperfield's creepy rating has got so high that even Southeast Asia doesn't want him.
Now that an unidentified woman from Seattle has claimed that David Copperfield forced himself upon her in the Bahamas recently, Copperfield has scrapped a number of upcoming tour dates in Thailand, Singapore, Malaysia and Indonesia. While it's probably quite wise that a man accused of rape like David Copperfield has shelved plans to perform in the sex tourism capital of the world, you have to spare a thought for the good people of Southeast Asia. What with the ongoing militaristic junta in Myanmar and the widespread government corruption in the region, the sight of an alleged rapist swinging around on a bit of wire and shouting "Look at me! I'm flying! It's MAGIC!" would have surely been a heartwarming experience for all.
There's no doubt in anyone's mind that David Copperfield has used force on people before. However, the force that David Copperfield traditional favours is the force of mystic suggestion that helped him to vanish away the Great Wall of China, zap himself in half with a giant eye-shaped laser and temporarily confuse some muggers, and not the comparatively more illegal sexual raping force. But that hasn't stopped an anonymous Seattle woman from accusing David Copperfield of raping her in the Bahamas – an accusation that's already caused the FBI to raid David Copperfield's warehouse and seize hard drives and memory sticks and, reportedly, $2 million in cash.
Although David Copperfield denies being a rapist, it's clear that the allegations are being taken very seriously. And, although at first there were individuals who assumed that this was all part of a new David Copperfield trick involving a detachable penis picking a prison cell lock and then writing the word 'Rape!' in the sky like a sparkler, the fact that David Copperfield has decided to cancel his upcoming tour of Southeast Asia kind of points to the fact that this isn't actually a trick at all. Well, that and the lack of badly-permed girls in leotards doing interpretive dance moves. E! Online reports:
The master illusionist scrapped a series of engagements in Southeast Asia as the FBI investigates allegations he sexually assaulted an unidentified Seattle woman. According to Thailand promoter RSI Dream Entertainment, Copperfield's management sent an email Sunday announcing that all dates would be indefinitely postponed. Ariannna Teoh, director of Arianna Event Management, the Kuala Lumpur-based promoter that booked Copperfield for two shows in the Malaysian capital on Oct. 30 and 31, claimed the trickster opted to stay to "help in the investigations." "Copperfield is not prevented from leaving the United States, but he needs time to get to the bottom of things," Teoh is quoted in the local Star newspaper.
However, David Copperfield's people are claiming that the shows were actually cancelled after the Asian promoters defaulted on their contracts and that he'd have cancelled the show regardless of how many unidentified women he was supposed to have raped. Promoters are already calling on David Copperfield to reimburse them for their losses caused by his cancellation, but we'd imagine that Copperfield has bigger things on his mind at the moment.
Once again, though, it's the population of Southeast Asia that comes off worst here. They've struggled for two whole years with only ancient nonentity Gary Glitter as the resident alleged western sex offender, and David Copperfield touring the region would have really given the area the sort of golden publicity boost that only a visit from a genuine A-list alleged western sex offender can offer.
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Internet Pedant says
So… if the lower half of your body detaches itself and commits a criminal offence, does your whole body get sent to jail, or what?