If you were looking forward to the new season of Dancing With The Stars because of Jewel, we have bad news.
You’re a disgrace to humanity. Really, Jewel? You like Jewel? What do you like about her, her rubbish poetry or the fact that she’s named after a shiny pebble? Honestly, people like you make us sick. Why don’t you grow up, yeah? Grow up and stop liking rubbish singers with stupid one-word names, yeah? You moron.
Oh, and also Jewel has pulled out of Dancing With The Stars because of injury. That was probably our original point, in retrospect.
These bloody celebrities, eh? They don’t know they’re born these days. Just look at Dancing With The Stars – in the past contestants have managed to take part despite having serious heart complaints, or being octogenarians, or having a fanny growing inside their guts or even, in the case of Heather Mills, only having one leg.
True, we get the feeling that Heather Mills would cake herself in animal dung and punch a horse in the face in the middle of a shopping centre if it meant she’d get someone’s attention for even a second, but that’s beside the point.
The point is that Dancing With The Stars contestants can usually manage to at least make it onto the show before knackering their bodies up beyond repair. But clearly that’s not the case this year, because Jewel and Nancy O’Dell have both decided to drop out due to injury. MSNBC reports:
Singer-songwriter Jewel and Access Hollywood host Nancy O’Dell will not compete in season 8 of ABC’s Dancing With the Stars. Jewel suffered tibia fractures in both of her legs, while O’Dell’s torn meniscus will require knee surgery. Both women will appear Monday night on DWTS’ season premiere, during which casting changes will be announced.
Both Jewel and Nacy O’Dell have expressed their profound disappointment at not being able to compete in Dancing With The Stars, but we truly believe that neither of them are as disappointed as us. Partly because we were keen to see which Jewel would be participating – the folksy hippy Jewel who lives in a van or the weird Britney Spears/ Terminator hybrid Jewel who nobody really liked much – but mostly because we would have enjoyed discovering who Nancy O’Dell actually is.
But still, Dancing With The Stars isn’t going to be a total failure just because Nancy O’Dell and Jewel aren’t in it any more – let’s not forget that this is the Dancing With The Stars season that’ll feature Denise Richards and Steve-O, for crying out loud. It’s almost as if every episode is guaranteed to end with someone weeping in the foetal position in the middle of the stage. Who wouldn’t want to watch that?
And anyway, if rumours are to be believed, one of the celebrities drafted in to replace Nancy and Jewel is Holly Madison – the Playboy playmate whose last two conquests have been Hugh Hefner and Criss Angel. If this is true then, given Holly’s fondness for weird-looking old men, Len Goodman had better do each show dressed as an icehockey goalkeeper for protection.
jake says
What a shame!!!!