Looks like this is the week for Britney Spears to revisit her old tricks.
First Britney Spears sauntered back onto the set of How I Met Your Mother for her much-heralded follow-up cameo and now she’s started crashing her car again with all the wild abandon you’d expect from a recovering psychiatric patient who’s too unfit to look after her own children.
It’s been reported that Britney Spears yesterday ploughed her Mercedes into the back of another woman’s car near Sunset Boulevard. Nobody was hurt in the crash, but we should all be aware of the wider implications of this; if Britney Spears really is revisiting her old tricks then everyone needs to take cover right away before she starts waggling her grotty old flim-flam around all willy-nilly again.
Funny how things work out isn’t it? Britney Spears is apparently too mentally unwell to look after her own children, but fine to drive a car. Tiny pink squidgy babies that couldn’t do much damage if they bumped into anything at 30mph vs a giant clump of speeding metal. We certainly feel safer knowing that Britney is allowed near one and not the other.
Britney Spears has crashed her car so often in the past that she could write a book about it, if only she could read or write. Or knew what a book was. Or wasn’t so medically unstable that stabbing herself in the eye with a pen nib was a genuine concern. Aside from all that, though, Britney’s a flipping expert.
We literally don’t have room to list all the ways that Britney Spears has managed to crash her car in recent years, but rest assured there have been hit and runs and slow moving almost-shunts and one time where Britney was driving an umbrella and she kept accidentally reversing it into the same car again and again and it made her so angry that she started crying and getting all angry and her brain went a bit wrong. And now it appears that Britney Spears is at it again.
Yesterday Britney Spears was apparently let out of her father’s clutches for enough time to go for a pootle around Los Angeles. Specifically a pootle into the back of another woman’s car. E! Online reports:
Spears was tooling around Sunset Boulevard in Beverly Hills in her convertible Mercedes SL when she rear-ended a red 1998 Ford Explorer at about 2 p.m. Sources tell E! News that Spears’ bodyguard jumped out to talk down the other motorist, and the “Toxic” songbird hopped into the passenger seat, just as she did last month when she was involved in a similar fender-bender on Los Angeles’ 101 Freeway.
The driver rear-ended by Britney Spears – a woman named Edith Cortese – was then taken back to Britney’s house to swap information, citing all the photographers present at the scene of the crash. We’re not sure exactly what happened at the Spears house, but if our suspicions are correct it probably involved some sort of lesbian sex fumble in the swimming pool. Or a sober exchange of insurance details. Does it really matter which?
Anyway, the point is that Britney Spears keeps driving her car in a variety of dangerous and irresponsible ways seemingly without a care for other road users. It’s just like the old days, in fact. Britney’s getting better! Yay!
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DAVINCE says
you are very stupid…. britney isn´t lesbiana… estupid
Annoyed says
You know, I’m not a fan of Britney Spears, but enough already. Honestly, I think you Jackals in the media won’t be satisfied until you’ve driven her into the ground. Nothing you vultures like more than to keep after someone so you can attempt to appear witty in jackass columns like this.
Honestly – I wonder how you morons look at yourself in the mirrors. Did you dance a jig in the street when paparazzi killed Princess Diana too?
J Bollocks says
“Did you dance a jig in the street when paparazzi killed Princess Diana too?”
No they didn’t, I have it on reliable authority that the HS staff performed a rather more dignified reel.
Although I do take your point re looking in the mirror, I have it (again) on reliable authority that mirrrors are banned in the HS office. My contact won’t say if it’s because the staff spend all their time gazing longingly at themselves or recoiling in horror.
Stuart Heritage says
It’s the first one, J Bollocks. The first one.
Gilbert Wham says
“Did you dance a jig in the street when paparazzi killed Princess Diana too?”
I couldn’t get a pack of cigarettes for EIGHT FUCKING HOURS the day after the dozy bitch pegged it, as the nation was ‘in mourning’ and the bloody shops were shut. So no, I didn’t dance a jig. I swore and made roll-ups from the ashtray.
J Bollocks says
“Did you dance a jig in the street when paparazzi killed Princess Diana too?”
Poor ol’ Britney
Her story hi-jacked from beyond the grave by that doe-eyed, attention seeking, famous-for-being-famous Di!
That’s fame!