Trying to guess when Britney Spears will hit rock-bottom is fast becoming an impossible task – if you thought Britney Spears' life couldn't get worse after all that's happened to her lately, you can't have thought too much about Britney in jail.
In all the excitement yesterday about Britney Spears' bodyguard blathering on about Britney's drug overdose and chronic farting problem, we forgot to mention that Britney Spears might end up in jail after she was charged on Friday with hit and run and not owning a valid California driving license – all stemming from an incident in a car park in August. It's all a sharp reminder of how far Britney Spears' stock has fallen over the last few years – there was a time when the phrase 'Britney Spears in jail' conjured up images of a sexy pop video and not a red-eyed lunatic crouched in the foetal position crying and babbling a made-up language at her petrified cellmate who can barely even maintain consciousness due to Britney's constant rancid farting. Remember those days? Do you?
As similar as Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are – they all share the same fondness for vagina-exposing and flagrantly disregarding the notion of responsibility – there was always one thing keeping Britney Spears apart from them. While Paris Hilton went to jail for bad driving and Lindsay Lohan is going to jail for bad driving, Britney Spears has never been to jail for bad driving. That's not to say that Britney isn't capable of bad driving – just ask Sean Preston when he stops crying – but she'd never actually faced a jail sentence for it. That is, until now.
Back in May, after she went bald, went mad and ended up calling herself the devil in rehab, Britney Spears left a message on her website which read, in part:
"Recently, I was sent to a very humbling place called rehab. I truly hit rock bottom."
Reading it back now, that just seems like wishful thinking on Britney Spears' part. Because, as bad as Britney's life was then, she'd yet to screw up her career with a dire MTV VMA performance, she hadn't almost lost custody of her children to Kevin Federline, she hadn't been outed by a judge as a "habitual and continuous" drug-abuser, she hadn't covered herself in shit during a magazine photo shoot and her former bodyguard hadn't described how farty she is to a British tabloid. But even that doesn't sound rock-bottomy enough for Britney Spears, so she's gone and got herself slapped with a hit and run charge that could see her spend six months in jail as well.
Last month Britney Spears hit a parked car in a car park and then drove away. Most people would normally get away with doing something as stupid as that, but not Britney Spears. Thanks to the small army of paparazzi constantly tailing Britney Spears, the incident was captured on all sorts of video, and that's helped the police charge Britney with hit and run. Still not rock-bottomy enough? OK – Britney didn't have a proper driving license either. Access Hollywood reports:
The misdemeanor charges, which stem from an August 6 parking lot incident, each carry a maximum penalty of six months in jail and a $1,000 fine. As it turns out, Access has learned no California driver’s license has ever been issued to the 25-year-old pop star. “Like everybody else, if you live here, if you own property here you need a California drivers license, so sorry Britney, welcome to the real world,” Kim Rifkin, the woman who’s car Britney hit in the August incident, told CelebTV. “It could have been handled so quickly and so easily,” she added. “I don’t know where her head is. I think she’s a very selfish, self-centered person.”
Now that she's been charged with hit and run, Britney Spears' arraignment has been scheduled for October 10. But wait – if having a personal life in tatters, no discernible career, a loudmouth former bodyguard and the prospect of facing half a year in jail doesn't sound rock-bottomy enough, remember that Britney Spears couldn't stop sobbing about it all in front of photographers on the way out of her lawyer's office.
Still not rock bottom enough for you? Are you kidding? You think that somehow Britney Spears can find a way to wreck her own life more than she already has? Is that even possible? Probably – and we can't rule out the possibility of Britney Spears firebombing a convent and then throwing the smouldering rubble at a group of passing disabled children in the next few day, the way things have been going.
Spears' Fender Bender Victim: 'Britney, Welcome To The Real World' – Access Hollywood
Adam Gade says
You guys seriously have to pick a different Britney pic from your vault. It’s beginning to disturb me, possibly because it kinda looks like she’s farting in it.
Evisu Fun says
now she farts in response to crisis!!
omfg, grow up.
Big Chested Blonde says
HSe isn’t farting, she is fighting the urge to flash her vagina…..again….and again.
i hate brinty spears she is stupid