It's every woman's right that, after they've shaved off their hair and proclaimed themselves to be the Antichrist in rehab, they can go on a voyage of self-exploration – but sometimes it helps if they do it on the internet where everyone can see.
This is something that Britney Spears is discovering for herself at the moment. In an attempt to convince her remaining fans that she isn't just a baldy single-mother nutter with a fame-hungry minge, Britney Spears has taken to the internet once again in a post that reveals her innermost feelings to those that love her unconditionally, and also all the press that'll republish it and make Britney more famous again. And what are Britney Spears' innermost feelings? We're not sure, since it's basically 883 words of garbled cod-spiritual guff, but the gist of Britney's internet outpouring seems to be "blah blah blah blah media blah blah rehab blah blah blah rock bottom blah blah blessed blah blah blah victim. Love, Britney."
We all know that Britney Spears is queen of the internet by the sheer number of Britney Spears-related things you can do on the internet. You can read Britney Spears lyrics, listen to Britney Spears music and… oh, alright, people only use the internet to masturbate over pictures of Britney Spears' fleshy stinkhole. Happy now?
These days, however, Britney Spears is learning to use the internet for her own good. Previously Britney's forays into the world of the internet involved her either slagging off her husband in verse, describing how much she likes tigers or apologising profusely for getting her vagina out all the time, but now Britney Spears is using the internet to try and persuade whatever fans she has left that she's still the same old Britney Spears that everyone used to know and love. Or, failing that, that she's a new Britney Spears with worrying religious tendencies and a complete inability to self-edit.
Either way we can still wrench some entertainment from her. Even though we suspect that Britney Spears won't start violently puking or suddenly go bald, start attacking cars with umbrellas and try to kill herself because she thinks she's the devil again any time soon, Britney's new-found love of writing self-important missives about herself on her website is just as good, especially when she does it next to a topless photo of herself with her hands dementedly around her throat.
Britney Spears' new internet message is far too long for us to print in its entirety, but here are a few choice quotes:
"Recently, I was sent to a very humbling place called rehab. I truly hit rock bottom. Till this day I don't think that it was alcohol or depression. I was like a bad kid running around with ADD."
"I saw Tyra Banks once get really upset and cry on her show because they made her look fat."
"I know everyone thinks that I am playing the victim, but I am not."
"Life in general is so surreal and crazy."
In a way, we can see why Britney Spears is so fond of explaining herself on the internet. Since she's so paranoid that the media will distort her every word into a vicious cage of lies, leaving rambling messages on the internet means that Britney can say whatever she likes and the fans get an undiluted dose of Britney Spears opinion. It also means that Britney doesn't have to do things like clarify that last quote when clearly life isn't very surreal at all. It'd be surreal if Britney lived in a giant seagull gizzard that intermittently played the hits of Haddaway translated into Esperanto at full volume, but we suspect that she doesn't.
So just think of these messages that Britney Spears leaves on her website as special little one-sided interviews. Interviews where both the interviewer and interviewee are idiots.
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Anonimulo says
I have been actively involved in Esperanto translations for several years now. I am unaware of any efforts to translate Haddaway’s songs into Esperanto. ;-)
Enrique Ellemberg says
>translated into Esperanto at full volume
I don’t appreciate full volume, otherwise
Esperanto songs sound wanderfully.
You may sample and buy Esperanto CD’s at
http://vinilkosmo.com/vko/shop.php3?frm=0&sid=1180711725&lng=u
http://www.kke.org.br/esperanto/muzikaro/floro_kaj_papilio.php
Enrique Ellemberg
Fremont, California, USA
Email: Enrike (at) aol (dot) com