Posts by author:

Josh Burt

When Hollywood Remakes Go RIGHT!

by Josh Burt

There’s something rather amazing about Nicolas Cage films. It’s not that he can’t act – although, seriously, we’re not sure that he can – it’s more that you simply don’t know whether you’re going to spend the last few moments of the credits shouting furiously at the screen and simulating over-the-top air rabbit punches, or [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

4 More Terrible X Factor Decisions Revealed!

by Josh Burt

Oh yeah, everyone’s gone crazy bananas ever since Simon Cowell allowed the public to cast Lucie Jones back to her dreary Welsh village, where she can forever plat people’s hair, and regale them with tales about the time she wore razor-cut denim, and sung a song that no one had ever heard of. “I’m sorry, [...]

5 comments Read more >>>

What Should Chris Brown Do Next? Discussed

by Josh Burt

Chris Brown, the R&B singer, is unsure of how he is perceived by his fans. We know this, because that’s what he said in an interview. Do they still love him for his music? Or have his tender sex songs lost a little bit of their appeal since he decided to practice Kung Fu on [...]

4 comments Read more >>>

Six Terrifying Movies To Watch This Halloween

by Josh Burt

Ahhh, is there any greater feeling than cuddling up to the woman/man that you love, watching a frightening movie on DVD, then spending the rest of the evening in a cold sweat, convinced that if you fall asleep – even for a second – they will start surgically taking you apart with a razor blade? [...]

3 comments Read more >>>

Look Kids, It’s Some Hollywood Stars Doing Panto!

by Josh Burt

For those who don’t know what Panto is, it’s like a really rowdy play at the theatre, where babies are allowed to weep hysterically throughout, old men have permission to shout racist slurs at the soap opera actors, most of whom casually blurt out crudely masked sexual references in front of an auditorium mainly comprising [...]

6 comments Read more >>>

The Cheryl Cole Won’t-Sing-Live Conundrum Solved!

by Josh Burt

Some of you might have noticed that over the course of the Rocky films, the gravel-voiced trainer with the face like a seriously chewed piece of gum never got into the ring. He’d happily bark at Sly Stallone, calling him a loser, telling him what to do, but that was it. And the reason was [...]

3 comments Read more >>>

Who Wants To Hear Some Bad Accents? OK, So That’s Everyone…

by Josh Burt

As we all know, it’s rude to insult the dead. They’re dead. They can’t hear what you’re saying, and they can’t be rude back. Plus, it’s probably quite disrespectful, because, you know, they’re dead. Come on. What kind of person are you? Anyway, the point is that we’re not going to say anything rude about [...]

5 comments Read more >>>

The Most Wonderful Pretend Prostitutes Of ALL TIME

by Josh Burt

Everyone knows that, in movies, it’s tough being a woman. The roles on offer tend to only be those of kindly nuns, tearful wives silently rinsing cups in the sink, or unbelievable ball breakers. There is no real middle ground. Of course, one other role that we haven’t mentioned yet is that of a wonderful [...]

2 comments Read more >>>

Oh Dear, Michael Jackson Praised Hitler!

by Josh Burt

There is a book coming out called The Michael Jackson Tapes, and it looks set to send a few jaws hurtling towards the floor, then shattering, whilst eyes pop out on stalks, then go back in again. Kind of like in cartoons. Because, in the book, the crazy melty-clownface, during an interview with a learned [...]

17 comments Read more >>>

Word On The Street: Fame Remake Sucks

by Josh Burt

For anyone who hasn’t seen the original 1980 version of Fame, it’s not exactly what you’d expect. Because you were expecting a grinning mob of leotard whores prancing around, squealing “feel the music!” to one another, whilst occasionally breaking rank to march silently towards a mirror, caressing their bodies, growling like tigers, weren’t you? Weren’t [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →