The MTV Movie Awards are fertile ground for hecklerspray-baiting tosh to do the rounds, though sometimes it is a bit like shooting fish in a barrel. From extreme close range. With a bazooka.

Nevertheless, the tween ceremony which has produced an average of one genuine laugh per every three years – not a bad statistic – has a new notch on the bedpost where they can proudly boast ‘we made a website that doesn’t like Robert Pattison laugh. A bit’.

Why? Well: Sacha Baron Cohen’s gay Austrian fashion journalist creation, Bruno, landed half-naked in the lap of Marshall Mathers‘ gay-disliking American irritant/rapper, Eminem.

That’s a…

It’s happened before and it will happen again – stories that are simply too good, that write themselves and just don’t need any additional comment to make them funny.

Obviously that won’t stop us from commenting on them, as we’re nice like that.

This week came the particularly special news that ex-Beatle-ex and hecklerspray mainstay Heather Mills was asked to appear in the Capcom game Bionic Commando.

Gaming is normally covered by news outlets as one of the worst threats to our Way of Life imaginable, guilty for murder, destruction and the general destruction of the human race as we know it.

So it’s always nice when there’s a single thing in the mainstream press that manages to be both positive and reasonably interesting.

Well, more interesting than Cooking Mama selling four million. Four million.

Shock of all shocks, there have been at least three whole stories reported on by real news places over the last week, all of which avoiding the urge to decry gaming as the arbiter of doom…

It’s getting to summertime now, so there really isn’t much going on in the world of gaming – some previews here, some other things there and a lot of press gumph everywhere else.

That won’t stop us from finding fault in the few news nuggets that are plopped out, though.

What would videogames be without rumours? Probably pretty much the same as always, to be honest.

Except we would miss out on about 78% of the news reported on gaming, discussion would decrease by around 39% and overall excitement levels would generally dissipate to around 13.645% of their original level.

Frankly, rumours are what make the gaming world go round; so thank crikey there have been a load in this last week – rumours that we can look at, read and get excited/annoyed/indifferent/call out MEGATON about! Wow!

So here are some rumours.

Owing to spectacular speculative reactions from reactionary types in a typical fashion, Konami have decided to pull their support for the upcoming Six Days in Fallujah, currently being developed by Atomic Games.

One more tally mark for the column entitled ‘things that we expected to happen, but kind of hoped wouldn’t as it’s a bit of a rash, daft and kneejerk decision, much like the reactions of those who commented on the story to the usual tabloid rags’.

We’re working on the title of that column.

We all know the PC and Nintendo DS are viable gaming formats full to the brim of fantastic, must-play titles and owned by the hardest of the hardcore.

What’s also true is the fact that these formats are blighted by their owners, who all seem to be pirates or idiots that don’t actually play real games.

They’re more likely to play Hello Kitty: Big City Dreams than something actually worth more than a millisecond of your time. Like, say, Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars.

It’s difficult to think of awards to give for the dumbest gaming stories to come out of the news in a week, seeing as there are so damn many.

While we think we managed to get through a week without any stories on how gaming is going to destroy us all, there are still the obvious little snippets here and there that pop out and make you sigh/laugh like a particularly twattish hyena.