Guff About Video Games: OnLive

onlive, gaming, on demand gaming, video gamesThe way we all play games is about the be changed forever, thanks to a little something called The Phantom…

Oh no, wait ? that?s an intro from a few years ago. Before things went on to stay exactly the same as they?ve always been.

No, this time they?ve announced something called OnLive ? a system that is set to revolutionise the way we think about playing games, or something.

Our Cynic Glands are twitching with anticipation.

Background? GO: A machine that works through magic and hope, meaning anyone with a set-top box or a small browser download can play any game on their home machine without having to fork out ten million quid for the newest Ultra-Nong 9000 GXXXXXXXQ graphics card.

Which, frankly, would be really rather lovely. And it would mean more than seven people and a few journalists would be able to play Crysis properly, which is something any new venture should aim to sort out.

It intends to bring gaming to the masses in an affordable, reliable sense, opening the world of shooting Nazis to a whole new market.

That sounds incredible, in all honesty. It sounds like the kind of thing that would truly, honestly and properly revolutionise an industry. Really ? we?re being genuine here, for once.

But when On Demand has only just pulled itself out of the pit of being unmitigated shit, it?s hard to believe something like this would really work that well.

Getting your magic tellybox to play your favourite three thousand episodes of Two Pints of Lager… is one thing, but getting it to perfect the subtle nuances of timing necessary to successfully play most action-based games is something that mere half-baked Virgin/BBC technology clearly couldn?t cope with.

Obviously the top bods aren?t running into this blind ? there are years of research and development behind OnLive, maniacal claims that it will Change Your Very Life and some big-name developers onboard the project (EA, Ubisoft, Warner Bros and Take-Two to name some).

Oh, nor are they using iPlayer or On Demand technology ? that was just a lazy comparison to dumb it down to your level.

But we?ve heard wild claims like this before, and the world of videogame press is more prone to falling for hyperbole than probably any other, to the point of sometimes feeling like it?s state-controlled.

The Phantom was meant to do a similar thing to OnLive, but it ended up being a colossal waste of time, producing a keyboard, a rip-off of Steam and a lot of HILARITY across the internet.

Basically ? we?re better off this time, we?ve been hurt and we know not to fall for the big promises from the fat cats who run around in their expensive suits and cars, sipping champagne and ruining the economy for the world as they take money that both isn?t theirs and doesn?t exist and turn it into even less real…

Ah, sorry, got a bit carried away there.

After all ? it might work, and if it does, silly rants like this will look like quite the pointless little waste of time, won?t they?

OnLive: it?ll revolutionise the way you play everything ever. Though it hasn?t yet been made clear if they?ll include retro and independent titles in the service, or how evil they?ll be with the pricing structure, or if they?d protect information and data or any number of other questions that you may have.

OnLive: it might be great; it might be a piece of poop.

THIS WEEK: We made the mistake of double-clicking the Steam icon on the desktop, which lead us to see all indie games have money off. Then we spent dozens of British pounds we don?t have on said indie games. The foul temptresses.

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  1. David says

    It’d probably be a bit boring. Also the market for used games would be wiped out and I like cheap games. And it’d be expensive, I imagine it’d be a monthly subscription sort of thing like bloody Sky.

  2. says

    I have the Ultra-Nong 9000, but only the GXXXXXXXA model. I feel ripped off, as the Q variant was released only 10 minutes after my card.

    Unless you live in the telephone exchange, OnLive is likely to be poop.