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Ian Dransfield

Michael Bay In Poorly-Written Email Outburst… ‘Shock’?

by Ian Dransfield

In a shocking indictment of the state of movie directors and their grasp of the English language, Michael Bay has unleashed a furious and poorly-written email in the direction of Paramount’s bigwigs. Bay’s email came as a result of what he perceived to be a lack of marketing behind his new vehicle of childhood butchery, [...]

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Robert Pattinson Fails To Win ‘Most Eligible’ Award. FIX!

by Ian Dransfield

In what can only be seen as a classic case of people not doing their research, reading the Twilight series or paying any attention to the world around them, Robert Pattinson has sensationally not won the title of Most Eligible British Bachelor. The man who portrays the character of Edward Cullen so wonderfully, in a [...]

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Michael Jackson Is Officially Being Sued. Again. Not For That Though.

by Ian Dransfield

The will-he won’t-he train has taken yet another turn towards… umm… won’t… ville… after the news emerged that Michael Jackson is being sued for $40 million. And it’s probably not even for what you’re thinking it’s for. What’s that? You think it’s because he’s allegedly contractually obliged to perform in the US in a Jackson [...]

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Paul McCartney & The BNP: Can We Blame Him? Can We At Least Try?

by Ian Dransfield

Ex-Beatle Paul McCartney has revealed his decision to avoid voting in the recent European Parliament Elections, as a protest to naughty governmental shenanigans. The ‘annoying sounding one’ from the pop legends told of his choice to abstain in an interview with The Independent, saying his decision came about as a result of the ongoing expenses [...]

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Guff About Videogames: Ban All Violence Ever Edition

by Ian Dransfield

That’s it, we’ve had enough. No more shooting, no more blood, no more swearing and definitely no more insulting other players or their mothers. No more. We’re done with it. As we all know, playing violent games makes you a killer. Every individual at hecklerspray who has ever played a video game has a kill [...]

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Simon Cowell, Timbaland and Zac Efron to Ruin More Lives: Together!

by Ian Dransfield

Think of a collection of the worst people imaginable – they would be arrogant, stupid, irritating and thoroughly pointless. The kind of people you get writing for hecklerspray, for example. Now imagine that collection is coming together in order to remake a movie that – as with most old movies – needs no remake and [...]

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SHOCK NEWS! Pete Doherty in “Using Drugs” Scandal!

by Ian Dransfield

Hard as it may be to believe or even accept, authorities in Switzerland have confirmed that everyone’s favourite ‘death waiting to happen’, Pete Doherty, has been fined for a being a big drug-using drug user. The troubled poet – nay, genius – was found slumped on the toilet on a British Airways flight into Geneva [...]

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Robert Pattinson Set To Ruin More Films, This Time Involving Dead Singers

by Ian Dransfield

When looking for someone to act as the once-prodigious, now-dead Jeff Buckley why not go for talent on the level of Robert Pattinson? After all, he is an actor lacking any discernable passion, he is attractive in a thoroughly mediocre way and he’s generally a bit crap. It’s a perfect fit for the lead role [...]

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Sacha Baron Cohen Gets Sued, Part 23: This Time It’s War

by Ian Dransfield

Things that are certain in life: Big Brother will be awful but it will drag us all in for the hideous ride. Death, taxes and an irritating headache on the day you’re supposed to be going on a big night out. Sacha Baron Cohen will get sued eight billion times for whichever of his comedy [...]

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Lindsay Lohan is a Huge Stalking Stalker. Possibly.

by Ian Dransfield

In a news nugget sure to change the very way we think about humanity itself, Lindsay Lohan has arrived in London to do some stuff. Hold us back, this could be epoch-making. Speculation has been mounting that the star of Herbie and, umm… hecklerspray has timed her arrival to coincide with that of former/current were-they-weren’t-they [...]

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